Get it together, Tauni. We believe in you.

Obviously, the lesson in The Little Mermaid is don’t trust octopus women who practice the dark arts and look like drag queens.

Seriously, I think the message in The Little Mermaid is directed towards parents; “Children have to be free to live their own lives.”

I don’t think there’s a blatant message for kids, but…

It is very Mommie Dearest. The Reagans’ daughter Patti Davis wrote a tell-all in the early 90's called The Way I See It and she claims that Nancy was addicted to tranquilizers, would beat her at least once a day, and that when she told Ronald, he called her crazy. I think Ron has supported her claims but the kids…

I’m sorry but you fail. You forgot the step where you put them in your fridge/freezer for 20 to 30 minutes.

Some of her family may be fine with it, her relationship with her children was tumultuous at best. Probably because she used to beat them with a hairbrush.

And, with Sleeping Beauty, the heroes of the film are three elderly women.

It’s evil clone hair. It’s supposed to be creepy.

Wasn’t Cosby involved with Up TV at one point?

They mentioned that one.

“Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it! I do not believe it!”
“I was pretty surprised myself.”
“Well, I’ll bet. To think, Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous!”

It depends, am I a drag queen or a dominatrix* in this scenario?

*This one is kind of if-y because what self-respecting dominatrix would wear denim?

Dorothy nearly gets in a relationship with a woman author

When Passions first premiered, a lot of soaps tried to incorporate fantasy and science fiction stories. My Mamaw’s soap of choice was Guiding Light and I can remember, around that time, a story where Reva is presumed dead and a grieving Josh creates a Reva clone. Only, Reva wasn’t dead...

He’s probably going to change his name to Tania.

In the America. In Italy, they were ‘sandalia esclava’. Also, think about it, if you’re upset that they named the shoe ‘slave sandals’ are ‘gladiator sandals’ really that much better? Hint: Most gladiators didn’t go into that profession by choice.

This is a type of sandal that’s called ‘sandalia esclava’ in Italy, which literally translates as ‘slave sandals’. Was it stupid to use the literal translation? Yes. But, Dolce and Gabbana are not the first designers to do this. Even, English speaking designers like Vivienne Westwood have signature shoes called ‘slave…

There’s nothing racial here. Esclava/slave sandals have been popular since the 60's and the name comes from their resemblance to the sandals worn by slaves in films like Spartacus.

Dolce and Gabbana have pulled some questionable shit in the past (the ‘jungle’ party comes to mind) but this is not one of those times.

It’s British television. After 9 PM, they can switch it over to Channel Four and see the whole haberdashery*. Why settle for underwear?

*See what I did there, because haberdashery sounds exceptionally Brithish-y.

No, they don’t. The first season it would have been easy, but the second season they kept one couple the entire time and they had to date two new people every week. God, I hate myself for knowing that.

I hate that I know this, but they show butts on both shows. If you like butts, then you’ll love Naked and Afraid Dating Naked. They should air them in a block and call it Buttnanza.

Didn’t that actually happen with some Adam Sandler movie where Gwyneth Paltrow wore a fat suit?