Then that trailer is lying because she’s 19.

To be fair, there was a reason that hit disappeared pretty quickly.

I’m confused. That’s some Angel Barta level ranting.

You mean Pan/Faunus.

It’s an easy mistake to make. Dionysus is associated with satyrs - which have equine features, but are different from centaurs. Satyrs have become confused with fauns in popular culture. Also, in some myths, Pan is the son of Dionysus

Yeah. They air between Thanksgiving and Christmas which is mostly filled with reruns and Christmas Specials. The appeal was originally hate watching but then something crazy happened, The Wiz was actually kind of good.

I’m stocking up on my diet pills.

Yeah, some of the lyrics translate roughly as “I slide between your kidneys” which is a French euphemism for butt stuff. I’m assuming it sounds more romantic in French.

Then Gainsbourg did Je t’aime moi non plus: The Movie. It stars Jane and Warhol dream hunk Joe Dallesandro. Joe plays a garbage man in love with Jane’s…

It’s the most beautiful song about butt sex ever written.

He was in the news last week. There was a rumor going around that he was dating Aaron Carter or something.

Me too.

I won’t do impression, no matter how much you beg.

Didn’t you see Lifetime’s The Unauthorized Beverly Hills 90210 Story? Tori was responsible for the whole show. Without Tori Spelling, there wouldn’t have been a 90210.

And even that story is completely inconsistent. In some versions her mother signed custody to Page and in others Led Zeppelin’s tour manager just came up and threw her into the back of a limo.

Because she has at least three versions of the story. First she loses it to Bowie, then Bowie and Angie, and (I think this is the most recent) she loses it to Bowie and then they call Sable Starr in and she has her first lesbian experience. Even her age isn’t consistent from story to story.

By the way, the first…

Didn’t she say for years that she lost her virginity to Jimmy Page? How did she lose her virginity twice?

This is how you do a medley and at least one of them was completely coked out.

Yes, and then for all that pomp and ceremony, and shit like the zine (pronounced zeen) the collection is only produced in limited numbers. So, yes, it technically sells out but it doesn’t break even.

Well, they can’t all be “derp” and “butthurt” can they?

It really was and that’s being generous. Personally, I found it less than mediocre. It was a dull, bloated vanity project full of anachronisms.

This is how I imagine a script for Vinyl looks:

Record Exec 1: Fuck fucker fuckin’ fuck [Insert random 70's band/musician…

You need to accept that your show was mediocre at best, Martin Scorsese.

It’s probably the shows. Especially if there’s truth to the rumors that he had to pay through the nose for someone like Naomi Campbell to walk.

Adidas probably foots some of the bill (pun not intended) for production but I doubt they’re paying for those over the top (yet incredibley dull) shows. Even when they…