(But not literally though. Please do not stick your dick inside of moist.)

This list is biased. Only planets in this solar system are ranked (it’s like the Miss Universe contest, but all the winners are inevitably from Earth!).

Moss then hinted that Griffin put on a public persona and was more a dick than he let on.

Yup. So many words in that sentence could’ve been sarcasticated™

the school had hired a third party to investigate the hazing last year, and punished “several players” with 50 hours of community service and an eight-page essay assignment about their behavior.

So is Ricin!

“Well actually...”

When I see Obama mentoring young men I will know his sincerity

Shut up Ben! You’re not even my real dad!

I was banned, but have been unbanned.

So not only did you dismiss my comment you demoted me too? Lovely. Very mature. So you enjoy giving criticism, but not receiving it?

Careful, I just got demoted for saying that. Apparently Laura doesn’t like receiving criticism nearly as much as she likes giving it.

I mean you turn an article about how Andy Murray is trying to do some good into how Andy Murray isn’t doing good enough with a single unnecessary paragraph.

That’s kind of my life philosophy anyway. Well, it’s more like ‘if people don’t expect anything from me, then I’ll never disappoint them.’

Andy Murray is a UNICEF ambassador but did Laura even mention his charity work? Nope. Really makes you question whether Laura really cares about the article or she’s just doing the least amount.

it’s worth noting what he’s missing.

Well at least they found him. Any word on whether they’ve found the missing Chargers fans yet?

Joe Thomas crawled to retirement through 10,000 snaps of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine- or maybe I just don’t want to. 10,000 snaps...that’s 11 seasons. Just north of a decade. Joe Thomas, who crawled through a river of shit and found himself still in a river of shit on the other side.