I think every university has a rocks4jocks course that all the scholarship sports kids get enrolled in. Geology professors despise them.

I assume that's their online student resource portal.

Watching golf? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

If I go to her cube to talk, the 3 other people in her cube row turn their chairs and join the conversation. I like them just fine and find them interesting, but this is not the ideal environment to exercise my mojo.

If it has Super Metroid, it's a steal at any price. I can't shinespark on my emulator.

There are a lot of great bands on this lineup, but Jawbreaker is by far the best. I hope they end up playing around here someday.

Only a thousand? Amateur.

I have a crush on a girl at work (who I only rarely work with). I'm single, and I'm pretty sure she is too. I have no idea how to integrate myself into her range of attention. What should I do? (be specific)

The fact that he uses imprecise words is an indicator of his solipsism, not an indicator of his subject-matter authority.

Well, but he's not commenting on "the state of American life for the average person". He's making a broad generalization about what he perceives to be the feelings of what he perceives to be a subset of the American population. As such, he likely has the firmest grasp on this concept, and is probably the right person…

Why do you hate North Dakota so much?

Wow! 100 fighters with one bomb! It'll only take 299 more of these giant bombs to destroy ISIL forever! Time to decorate an aircraft carrier with one of those "Mission Accomplished" banners.

Can't be too sure until we invite them all on a panel show to discuss it.

I helped some friends run a garage sale and bought a new backpack with my REI dividend. Pretty slow weekend.

I watched The Legend of Drunken Master, Conan the Barbarian, and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I still contend that the original Conan movie is one of the greatest films ever made.

As soon as I heard that the name of Le Pen's party was The National Front, I could smell the holocaust deniers behind it. That's such a bad name for a party.

A wasp sting is pretty serious when you're allergic to wasp stings.

I don't think this idea would play quite as well these days. The idea of a benevolent autocrat in central Africa is just too hard to imagine. The palace opulence belies a long history of genocide, corruption, and class war.

I saw The Golden Child recently. It's a bad film. But Eddie Murphy has made such an indelible impression on my definition of cool that I can't help but enjoy it.

I guess I've been pretty lucky. My worst film experience was seeing Pearl Harbor on opening night. My friend and I got some free passes, but it was so crowded that we ended up sitting in the front row. Which is absolutely awful if you wear glasses: about half the screen is unfocused peripheral vision. No problem…