UM, “could you be a peach” sounds SUPER condescending, and the choice to use it on DAY TWO of a new job with your BOSS is just ... that’s incredibly bad judgment.

I think people are more invested in the fantasy of accidentally being in the same place at the same time as your soul mate, than the down and dirty reality that sometimes meeting the right person takes work, and sometimes involve particularly un-romantic things like scrolling through online profiles. I can understand…

Why? Because our lives are mundane drudgery and all of us want something, no matter how brief and stupid, that is magical and special to happen to us. No one gets an owl at age 11, no one follows a white rabbit down a hole. We sustain ourselves with fictions because reality is mostly an awful, cold place where you…

I think it’s important to see Davidson’s perspective here. He heard about some random dipshit capitalizing on the event that killed his father, then responded emotionally. Then when that dipshit evidenced himself to be a full fledged human being capable of emotion, he rethought his stance and decided it’s best we not…

...but what Davidson did was super harsh.

Very classy on Pete Davidson’s part... not that Steve Rannazzisi deserves to be treated with class.

Started a conversation? Started? Yeah, Matt, you’re a real pioneer. Nobody was talking about diversity in the film industry until you mentioned it.

I’m real glad Damon is proving to shape up as exactly same kind of douche he played as himself in House of Lies.

Were there Darcy vibrators or nah?

Wait...he thinks Texans are LESS dumb than the rest of us?

umm why is kate mckinnon’s justin beiber not one of the choices

You are part of an ancient thing that doesn’t know what it is, and can’t.

WTF is being worn in these pictures?! Yeezus Christ!

Taylor: Karlie... what kind of shoes are you gonna wear?

“To this day I don’t know what came over my mom”

Your mom is everything.

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

When I was 3 years old, I accidentally murdered my pet goldfish. My mom came into the living room after having one of those “it’s been too quiet for too long” realizations, and found that both I and the goldfish we had procured that morning were missing. She found me a few minutes later, giving the goldfish a tour of…