You forgot to add in the propulsive force of my tail lights.

This is why you see big trucks and jeeps with as many lights and light bars as possible, just in case 37 inch tires become too much for the stock brakes and you need a little extra quantum bump for slowing you down. Safety first.

No, then it would have said

Folks, this is what happens when you demand Deadspin stick to sports.

“Checking in.”

Unfortunately, similar to how a hit streak has to be in one season to break DiMaggio’s single season record, conception has to be in the same year as the athletic feat for it to be considered in athlete of year voting.

Imagine living life while having opinions that are this terrible.

second-best. 

She needs a new doctor. Knee injuries generally don’t progress like that.

The best female tennis player of all time

I assume he wears a full NBA uniform to go shoot hoops in the driveway too.

All snark aside, I think this is actually pretty cool. This is exactly how I would’ve used the White House lawn if I was 11 years old and my Dad was the president.

Poor kid, no father to prevent him from becoming a full-kit wanker.

This is . . . pretty stupid

Women hockey players are never going to be paid like the men, for the same reason that the world’s best bowler makes way less than the worst shortstop in MLB.

I really want to see stats on how many people the regulation has actually saved. Yes, I get that it might be a jerk move to question a move towards safety, but are they making a regulation that is unnecessary and adding cost and complexity?

That’s a lot of words for not caring.

I wouldn’t call 4th place a “recommendation” more along the lines of “this is what is available.”

Oh, hey Mark. Welcome to Deadspin.