Dear HRC: I keep thinking about that scene in The Abyss. You know the one where Ed Harris brings Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio back to life and, between bouts of CPR, he yells, “Goddammit, you bitch! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight!”? And she comes roaring back to life?

Who’s going to pay for all that prosecuting when we’re trying to drown government in a bathtub? Or drain the swamp, or whatever this decade’s conservative quixotic metaphor is.

I wish the U.S. had the liberal sexual content guidelines they have in the U.K. You have to have an HBO subscription to see trains fucking over here. 

Um what? I distinctly remember a recent attack on US soil that killed thousands of Americans and I distinctly remember denouncing violence and discrimination against Muslims (and Muslim-appearing people). I sure as fuck did NOT panic and I sure as fuck do not support a Muslim registry.

But cities are where the people are. Money invested in cities goes much further than money invested in rural areas. When the money that the government has is finite (limited stimulus pacakage for instance), it’s easy to see that putting money into urban areas will do more good for more people. Living in a rural area…

OK, but what does Donald Trump’s transition team have to do with this article?

Well you’d be the expert on impotency, little engine that couldn’t.

I prefer New Order. Can’t we just listen to some electronic 80s music and get along?

“There is a crack, a crack in everything.

This is going to break me. RIP Leonard

I think he’s scared. He looks like a dog at the vet.

FUCKING FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK.

Brandon Walsh is it you?

That closer was deadly! Delicious Newticide!

When asked to comment on the precious, the Clinton campaign responded “And now at last it comes. You will give me the Presidency freely! In place of the Orange Fascist you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow…

I wouldn’t have to rip them if they weren’t so expensive on iTunes.

He flies under the radar because he looks like a racist ghost who died during plastic surgery.

No, this was not the only good part of the debate.

It should be called whiplash since that’s what my baby does when he sees it. I have to put him in a headlock.

My good friend-let’s call her Jane to protect her identity- told me her ghost story last year, and since then it has been confirmed to me by several people who were around at the time. It took place back in the late 90's when she was in her early 20's.