I actually can't even picture how you wipe your ass while sitting. Like, I reach my hand pretty much into the toilet bowl under my balls? What if I took an enormous shit that is peaking above the water? Why would anyone risk that? I wasn't even aware sitting to wipe was a thing people did. What the actual fuck.

I wish I could give you more stars. COTD all day man.

After reading your comment, I went to go see Gawker. Shit you not I was there for 5 minutes and 90% of the comments there were about racists, small dicks, and nazis. Please don’t make me go back there.

Sanders comes across as a genuine honest guy whos not corrupt, lying, dirty two faced, etc. My issue with him is his self-proclaimed socialist tendencies. From the several sites that have published his plans, and tax increases, it will seemingly cost me $1,000 a month to have him in office. I have a VW Jetta and a…

OH MY GOD TAKE IT SOMEWHERE THAT’S NOT JALOPNIK

Give me an example of why you’re being defensive as hell for them. Are you one of those people that attacks people they don’t share views with on Gawker?

Worst forum shit storm ever seen? Easy. Go to any thread on Gawker or Jezebel, make a comment where you might appear to not be a left wing liberal nut job. You could tell them the sky is blue. However, if they even THINK you are a Republican (even if thats not the case), not only is the sky NOT blue, but you are an…

As a white American male over 40, I accept that everybody not a white American male over 40 in this brave, new, social justice world hates me for my demographics, even if they don't know me personally. So I just make everything simple and preemptively hate all y'all back, regardless of race, creed, color or dress size.

What else is he supposed to drink at the poetry slam??

Admitting that you tweet isn’t helping your cause.

Beer snobs pop up where you least expect them.

Pooping time is for reading, not listening. Nobody’s out there grabbing their headphones and firing up Pandora on their way to take a dump.

Or you know, people with bad shoulders that can’t propery hold a bar and might need a little more assistance.

You just know the reason no one was spotting him was because they’ve all been through this before and have had enough of his shit.

I’m impressed that he could even get it off the rack, but this douche should lose his gym membership for that. Ego lifting dude-bros are the worst goddamn thing to deal with when you’re trying to get in shape.

Pretty much the weightlifting equivalent of when I have sex; plenty of talk beforehand, a good show of confidence, a decent build up, use of a rubber... and then unintelligible grunts before everything slips out and I’m getting laughed at after a spectacular fail.

He was in a rack at least so he MIGHT have been ok if he dumped smart. But considering how dumb everything else in the video is, I wouldn’t expect that.

This:

Solid advice, and it skirts the whole AWD vs winter tire debate nicely. The truth is that if you just calm down and think it through, you wont have much trouble.

This is Adequate Man, not I Spent $500 On Snow Tires And Probably Also Didn't Use Underwear As A Washcloth This Morning Man.