Maybe you aren’t saying it right. What color is your skin? Just asking...

I still don’t know what it means either. Are they woke, fuckable guys who might make good daddies? Now that I’m 50 and still — STILL!!!!! — technically fertile, I’d want a fuckable guy with a vasectomy.

After fostering very young puppies and kittens I learned you have to “lick” their bottoms with a wipey after they eat to help them eliminate because that’s what their mothers do.

I’ve been here for many years and I’m still gray. I’ve always supposed I deserve it.

I saw this on a goodbye cake: “ Fine. Go.”

Yikes!!! That’s a bit much. When my kids were really REALLY small, I’d sometimes take a bite of fresh apple or peach and chew it up a bit before I removed it from my mouth and offered it to them. And I thought that was a little gross, but my kids didn’t mind and it allowed them to eat something they wanted before they…

Agreed. Not to mention the unborn krill that will never get to experience what it means to be a lower marine lifeform. These are some bad hombres!

Yes between this and the school lunch thing, he’s mustache-twirling.

The liberal media isn’t covering the fact that all of the whales and turtles caught in those nets were swarthy-skinned and many of the females were wearing hijabs. It’s true! (There might also have been sombreros involved.)

Make papas bravas! I mix white and sweet potatoes, cut into cubes. Sprinkle on some salt and pepper and a little bit of olive oil. Roast at 450, tossing occasionally until they are tender and have crispy edges. Meanwhile make a sauce in a large cast iron skillet— saute diced shallot and garlic, tomato paste and smoked…

Or take the train up to Seattle. It’s a nice ride.

Luckily I can travel a good bit. Finances aren’t as much of an issue as family. I’m an only child (after my twin brother died), so I’m not as disadvantaged as some. It’s just the feeling of being displaced by temperature and terrain! Otherwise my life is good, great even.

For a week? Depends on what you’re looking for. If you want scenery and not-too-hot and an area that’s easy to get around — Portland OR or Seattle would be a good bet. Plenty of nature — parks, waterways, wine country — a short ways away and also plenty of friendly locals in cities that are easily navigated by car…

I live in Florida. I was adopted. I do NOT BELONG IN FLORIDA. I feel like a lizard that climbed onto a tray of flowers in Sweden (or some other frostier clime) and then wound up in FLORIDA. My skin is paler than ghost shit and I hate the heat; I hate the sand; I hate the beaches and the sea (although they are…

If you can stomach country, try Sturgill Simpson’s “A Sailor’s Guide to Earth.” It’s hard to do concept country, but he nails it. Especially the opening track and a cover of Nirvana’s “In Bloom.”

Plus his name is “Aslan.” How can you doubt his truth?

You give an asshole some power and he thinks he’s the whole ass.

My husband recalls fondly the time an elderly colleague referred to him as “a turd.” We still laugh about it.

I’m a pecatarian, mostly vegetarian, and my husband is a whateveratarian. I challenge myself to do vegan twice a week. Not because I’m vegan — but because as a person who likes to cook — it’s interesting to explore new products and recipes. I mean, why not? For example, Veganaise (which you buy in the fridge section)…

At least Spam actually tastes like *something.*