You make a very good point. However. I would totally bone Bryan Cranston on a train. I would bone him on a plane. I would bone him here or there, I would bone him anywhere.

I really hate it when people have sex in public places with other people present, LIKE TRAINS. You are not as sneaky as you think you are and I did not volunteer for a role in your exhibitionist fantasies.

I now must tell you about the best sex dream I ever had. I was at a library (one of my favorite things!) and Viggo Mortensen (another one of my favorite things!) came in and bent me over a desk (consensually) and hoody hoo! Then he gave me his phone number and left. I woke up feeling like I’d just smoked the best weed…

This photo has always confused me. What is he communicating here? Why do I hear a gay porn soundtrack? Why am I laughing at the idea of Paul Ryan getting in over his head during a kink scene because “Singlepayerhealthcare” was his safe word?

I’ll write her response for her:

I mean can you blame me?? LOLOLOL

I think you mean “really old billionaire fashion emperor,” but “guy” will suffice.

Drug addiction? No worries. Bisexual? GTFO!

So everything else she was cool with? It was the being bisexual that drove her away? Damn.

He looks like an older Daniel Craig (which is weird because Daniel Craig has an old face).

Around here, we call that kind of sex “skinny repeal.” It’s not what you promised, it’s not what you were hoping for, no one is really satisfied, and you know it will lead to big problems in the future ... but maybe better than nothing?

She married this really old guy. But then you look it up and they’re about the same age.

This is sort of like when Marines ask celebrities to whatever fancy Marine dance they have except the Marine is on meth and not a marine and the fancy dance is optimistically an Olive Garden.

Like the quality of the guys you might sleep with. That sounds terrible, like getting a delightful but tiny appetizer, and then having the rest of the meal go completely South on you. Girl, raise your standards! : )

This is way off topic but it’s a story I feel only you Jezzies will appreciate.

Salma Hayek is FIFTY?!

The first tweet was/would have been fine as a “ha, I saw your interview, here’s a joke” thing. The follow-up tweet smacks of creepy desperation.

I recently had to get a blood test for a medical treatment. The test revealed I have HSV 2 — Genital Herpes. I have never had an outbreak, not even one that I mistook for something else. I am a sex educator and health clinic worker, I have every tool available to me regarding this matter. I asked the doc how long I’ve…

Ugh. Are there really internet people that would trash her for not responding to Aaron fucking Carter? Don’t answer that! I don’t wanna know. Forget it. Never mind. Move along.

I love the Hemsworths.