Did his face always do that smirk thing or just for pictures? Like, was it a deformity of some sort or was he actually choosing to form an expression that would make everyone instantly hate him?

Well, right, but that’s advertising, which goes hand in hand with what’s in the entertainment portion. Here, look at how happy this lady is having vaginal sex with that gentleman. Oh, that’s not what happens when you’re with your lady? Don’t worry. We got you, fam.

In fairness to dudes, basically the entire culture has gone out of its way to make them believe that dicks are enough. How many times on television or in movies have you seen a (tastefully shot) vaginal orgasm or the aftereffects of? Dudes going down on ladies is usually played for laughs (the guy coming up from…

Mr. WildNights sometimes gets pouty about not being able to keep going after I’ve come. Which is great, except when I’m like, Dude, I have to be up in a few hours.

I’m really looking forward to forgetting that he ever existed.

Yes, I read “was in a 3 way” and my brain started screaming STOP READING STOP READING STOP READING STOP READING. I pushed through and I’m glad I did because then I got to the punching and that was a nice twist.

There’s almost always a changing table in the bathroom. I’ve used one before with a one year old. It’s neither easy nor fun, but I would say it’s probably easier than using the seat.

This is the paradox of the malignant narcissist who becomes president. I can totally see why becoming president would appeal to one. The crowds shouting your name! People talking about you constantly! Important people try to curry favor with you! And in the end, a literal popularity contest! It would be…

I feel like there’s a zero percent chance that Donald Trump knows that black Muslims are a thing. I feel like the idea that Muhammad Ali was Muslim would blow his tiny mind.

Yeah, no, we talked about that when the ban was in place and she basically said, “Whelp, I guess I have to really hope that my parents don’t get sick in the next four years because I really can’t leave the country voluntarily.”

I think that that has certainly crossed her mind, but I don’t think she’d like to become a fugitive. She doesn’t want to be barred from traveling to Europe (she has siblings in Germany and England), plus she has friends and a job here that she isn’t anxious to abandon. If it came down to it, I’m fairly certain that…

I have a friend who is a green card holder from Saudi Arabia. She’s stuck here because she was married to an American citizen and they had a child before they got divorced. Her ex-husband has made it clear that he will never let her move with their son out of the United States. So, she’s terrified that Trump is…

No, it’s because a lot of times charter schools wind up being ways for for-profit companies to grift money off the government at the expense of poor students. My sister taught at one. She quit when the school told her that she needed to refigure her midterm grades so that none of her students failed, even though…

I met the guy who is now my husband because a friend of mine got engaged to a friend of his. Then they agreed that we would probably like each other and invited us both over to dinner and—waddaya know!—they were right. So, just because your friends are all pairing up doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still hang out…

A libertarian who works for the government? Is his name Ron Swanson by any chance?

Honestly, Uncle Joe seems like the kind of guy who would have been friends with half the maintenance staff and absolutely could have called in a favor do something like that.

It’s okay. The tacos really do make up for it.

But obviously your dad is smarter than you because he has a man brain and you just have a little lady brain. So the Arkansas is just doing what God intended and giving him the right to use the legal system to compel you to carry and birth his grandchild. You’ll thank them all someday. #ProForcedBirthLogic

Your pizza is kind of shite, though. But given the state of things, I might be willing to overlook that. Also, weed.