Lol, that is scary and true. Even at my oldass age, if I ever got into a fight, my aim is fucking MURDER, and nothing less, lol.

I’d blissfully roll around on it until it stuck me in the ass or something. Like I was this red panda in the snow.

A cloud full of detritus. Shag rugs are hard to keep clean.

I once spent an hour on the school bus filing my nails into points in preparation for a fight with a girl who was sitting on the SAME BUS three rows ahead of me.

But if you dropped an earring in that carpet, you’d never see it again. I’d be worried about small pets getting lost in it, too.

Why isn’t the NRA defending Castile’s Second Amendment right to carry a firearm?

I teach high school and I will NEVER break up a girl fight. Boys, just stand in between them, tell everybody to calm down, it’s all over. Girls have been planning this shit for MONTHS, they will bring up petty shit from like kindergarten and they are out to murder anyone and everyone in their way. NOPE.

And here he is before his geeky makeunder:

I saw him on the pre-show and Robin Roberts mentioned how he’s starting the show, and instead of being a normal person and replying “Yeah, it’s going to be great,” he pretended he didn’t know and yuk’d it up longer than it needed to be. “I am? I better get going hurr hurr hurr.”

They could have eliminated that idiot Justin Timberlake song & dance number that went on FOREVER at the beginning and had room for all the people who had passed away.

Has CBS considered not making a show that’s either a police procedural or a legal drama?

it me, myself, The Rock, and I

May I ever feel anything as strong as Lin-Manuel feels everything.

I like how David Oyelowo is like, “y’all white folks ain’t gonna freak out too badly, are you?”

In my mind, David Oyelowo is looking at Kimmel to see if he pulled this fuck shit- because that’s one of the many thoughts that rushed through my mind when all this was going down.

Damien Chazelle knew damn well that his movie didn’t deserve. He already got an award that wasn’t his.

Taraji is always happy for other people to win:

I love the woman right behind Mel Gibson - you can see the dawning shock and confusion on everyone else, but she’s back there literally checking her nails.

I don’t know who’s checking her cuticles in the second picture but she’s cracking me up. Salty af.

i would say he was upset. denzel put his heart and soul into fences and gave an incredible performance and this is how the academy treats him? makes him listen to a creep - who’s clinging to his equally shitty brother’s coattails - go on about how inspirational he is?