Why do you find it so hard to press another button on your screen when you know it would make her feel good? Seems like an easy decision to me.

When will the pasty corniness that is Taylor Swift abandon the stage and make room for actually talented white girls? I mean, she's so intolerable and a sign of the cultural decay we're living through. Je-sus, she's the worst. Her and Macklemore or however you spell that demon's name.

This. I tried to explain to a good friend once that I’m actually pretty painfully shy sometimes and she straight laughed at me and told me I didn’t know why shy meant. Apparently she missed the part where I’ll drop off the radar for several days if I’ve spent too much time around other people. (Or when I had to lock…

I love it when I learn that individuals who are funny/loud/outgoing, like Amy Schumer, are actually introverts. I am like this. When I am “on,” I can be the total life of the party and genuinely enjoy it, but I’m going to need like 3 days alone in the woods (just kidding, bugs are gross; please drop me off at the…

GENIUS!!!!

Hey.

“You’re a prison” is such a good comeback.

More because he cracks me up

yah, i made it up

This has happened to me so many times.

This misses the point. Nico Hines’ staggering ignorance is the least shocking part of this article. The original piece included identifying information about these athletes—some of whom are from repressive countries where violence against LGBTQ individuals is common and sanctioned. With one incredibly crappy…

wait.... WHATTTTTTTTTTT?

There’s no way he’s having fun. His lips are surgically attached the backside of (among others) GOOP. You know that has to be a chore. A person can only feign so much interest in tomato allergies, vaginal rice steaming and green cleanses.

It’s more about the having fun.

If only we all had chamelon-like sociopathic tendencies...we’d be so much more fun at parties!

What the fuck is a toilet raft?

I can’t hate on someone who’s obviously personable and probably pretty confident. I can’t talk to the hatrack at a party half of the time so...

Uh, being a celebrity or celebrity-wannabe or celebrity-adjacent-wannabe looks like hard work, like small talk during a hurricane.

YOU GUYS! Barely doing your work is making me really sad. There will be such a void in my life if you go away. I’ve been barely doing my work for weeks, though, and I don’t even have a good excuse. Maybe this is a sign. I should get back to work.