“I just got into a terrible accident and completely totaled my BMW M4"

I love this; now no one will think twice when I have my pink and orange wedding at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Which will cost you.

And then begging to get out of the contract?

Shitty franchise themed weddings should totally become a hot new trend. Hubby and I are planning to renew our vows at the Cricket Wireless store at our local strip mall, where he first catcalled me. I fell in love with him instantly, right outside those doors... actually it might have been an H&R Block? I’m not sure.…

Did I arrive too late for the “Planet Fitness isn’t a real gym” comments?

A gym membership is a perfect metaphor for marriage.

Interesting hypothesis. Tell me more. (Seriously)

It was like watching the world’s most expensive high school play.

I understood it similarly. I would so much rather see a Freddie Mercury biopic than a movie about Queen moving on after losing him.

No, Brenda is the one who says shit and then when the celeb slaps her back Brenda does a full reversal and fawns all over the celebrity.

I can smell what he’s cooking and it’s pretty delicious.

I love the Rock.

Reading about the last days of Farley’s life has to be among the saddest things I’ve ever read about.

Probably explains the “traumatized nostril”

My friend was at a bar several years ago when Chris Farley walked in. It was late, Farley was a sweaty incoherent mess but friendly. He walked up to their table, said “hi” and asked if anyone had any drugs. He was dead like a week later. I feel like all these Aaron Carter stories are leading up to something bad.

Did he have to mention what kind of car?? Like we would believe he drives Pinto. Probably drugs.........

Right? That lead photo is some Faces of Meth shit. Poor dude. I hope he gets some assistance.

Aaron Carter looks like he’s done all the drugs. 😬