Good God!

Oh god. I don't think I've ever felt such second hand embarrassment on behalf of fictional characters before that. I honestly couldn't figure out why so many women thought this book was so sexy, I couldn't stop laughing during the sex scenes. It was like that old SNL sketch when Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch played a…

This makes me laugh and recoil so hard, simultaneously. I never thought those two reflexes could be combined. Holy crap!

I wonder if they will manage to work the gem "apex of my thighs" into the movie. Apex... Of my thighs.

The entire book's made of hilarious terribleness. You can't turn a page without gagging/puking/laughing at the same time. I thought at first it was super trolling, but sadly the author was serious.

These ladies did it wrong, everyone knows you put ecstasy in your butthole.

Oddly enough, I had a dream last night that I met Lana Del Rey and she gave me an autograph that I didn't really want because I don't really know her music. And I had no idea why she of all people showed up in my dream.

This makes me want to get drunk and yell at John Hamm's penis on netflix.

I know someone who actually dressed as Belle for her wedding and made her groom wear the "Beast" outfit, and they do not have a good marriage, to put it lightly.

No, the "covered in soot" thing is a fairly recent invention. Originally, he was either a "Moor" (code: black) or a demon/devil that was enslaved to Saint Nick to do his bidding. The idea that he's just dusty is a very new invention, created because the overt racism of Santa-as-slave-owner is considered less…

Yeah, I hate it when men take an interest in womens' issues and publicly decry violence against women. It's the worst.

Nothing witty to say. Just want to have all the sex with Jon Hamm.

Sculpture!

Jon Hamm. Things that are big and hard. Yep, it's all good.

Yeah, pretty much this exactly.

I thought she meant it in the sense that while women make decisions, the vagina is passive until something enters it (or comes out, I guess). But I could be wrong, as calling someone a pussy would also fit in here.

Hey, Cousin Anthony!

Your titless impotent angst is delicious.