Frank can go suck a fuck!

Hey! Hey! Lagomorphs have feelings!

You obviously don’t know how sex works. See, if a man is in close proximity to a woman who is not his wife and he is alone, then some dangerous things start happening. First, the woman’s vagina starts emitting pheromones designed to activate the Devil Center of the man’s brain. The Devil Center picks up on these…

I have lunch every other week or so with a woman who works in my office. Sometimes we go to lunch at the same time and we both require nourishment so eating together makes sense. So far I have managed to avoid fucking her. I do this by not trying to fuck her. This also applies to all other women I know who are not my…

I admire Pence for coming up with this common sense solution to a very real problem.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

There’s a big difference. When Henson was cast she was told immediately that if the show got to the third season her character would die, which she and the writers have stated in many interviews.

They're both married to black people so it's ok.

My uncle went to law school with the Clintons and he said once a bunch of guys were standing around talking shit about girls and ranking them from least to most fuckable when Hillary happened to walk past and hear them. She kinda iced them a little and then one of the guys was like, ‘Well, aren’t you going to say hi…

Person 1: “I’ve got a solution that I bet all of us could get behind. We have a race from the Upper West Side of New York to the Freedom Tower. Bernie has to take the Subway and Hillary has to drive a car. Whoever gets there first, wins the state.”

That’s nothing. I was Geraldo Rivera’s moustache from 1983-1987.

Ours wants to bang his own daughter.

Are those cloud stairs or exhaust from his foot rockets?

Our cat died when my daughter was 4. I let her touch him and then watch as we buried him in the back yard and had a little funeral for him. She was so confused. She kept asking if he would come back. Even now at almost 6, she sometimes asks where he is and what happened to him. The permanence of death is really a…

Here’s the plot twist, though. The kid they were trying to poison is actually the evil one. They were just doing their part to keep everyone else safe.

We will find out on the next season of Law and Order SVU when this is one of their plot lines.

The stuff is delicious, just usually way too salty for my liking. I prefer my dry seaweed with only a tiny sprinkling of salt, or none at all.

Damn, I didn’t want to kill any of my classmates until the 9th grade.