It's like somebody complaining about you not knowing how to use a IBM punch card system when you were 8.

We've got high-speed wireless internet, promising research in curing diseases, and cars with technology rivaling a Mercedes from twenty years ago, but since children don't understand old technology this entire world sucks.

Ugh, damn hipster 737s.

Barring that, I want low beltlines and a less-chunky look. Again, this is probably unreasonable given pedestrian safety, but that won't stop me from wanting.

My car's a Clinton/Gore '96 sticker away from 1995 and I'd really kill for a bit of extra torque and a 6th gear. 3500 RPMs at 70 mph sucks as much as having a Kenworth with Jersey plates bearing down while you're merging onto I-5.

Masturbating over revving engines? Sounds like a typical Honda meet.

Alternatively, you could order the ultra-rare Legacy RS Type-RA a year or two down the line equipped with a hand-built boxer-4 turbo makin' 216 hp, upgraded suspension, stickier tires, and an equally bitchin' Momo Cobra steering wheel (no airbags!).

There was some sort of issue during last-minute testing that forced them to delay their debut.

It was about a year ago. I couldn't believe my luck when I talked my parents into letting me get an Integra GS-R as my first car and this was an adult-owned car with low miles to boot.

Orlove'd all over a bunch of kids.

Well you have to drop it back off in the same place, but I'm told they're figuring out 1-way rentals.

Zipcar is cheaper for short rentals: If, for instance, I only need to pick up something across town and my trip only takes 45-90 minutes, Zipcar will only cost me $15-20 all inclusive. Best part is I can reserve online and the check in/out process takes less than a minute.

So we're just going to ignore the white Challenger/Vanishing Point reference?

Red Bull has Kinky Kylie, Audi has Lazarus.

Clearly you have not driven a Baja SAE car.

I hope to win the "Least number of times stolen" award at the 2040 Pebble Beach Concourse with my GS-R sedan. It sort of helps that it looks like ass and is unmodified.

I find that 3" of filth, slight body damage, a faulty brake master cylinder, and no ICE whatsoever keeps mine from being stolen. Oh, and a kill switch.

You foRgot those owneRs who capitalize the letteR R on message boaRds because they'Re so type R.

Yes. A lot of print ads from the '90s list "standard" or no-cost air-conditioning as a feature on par with power windows and a DOHC engine.