I hate to win pissing contest two weeks in a row, but if “I want to fuck you where you fart” isn’t a winner, then I don’t know what is. 

The only thing I know about this season is that one contestant is apparently pretending to be Australian.

If they’re going that way, why not just do an All-Virgin Bachelor or Bachelorette? 

I’d totally stuff his goose...

and if i were interested in this dude, i’d definitely prefer he had had sex before so he knows wtf he’s doing! 

i feel ya, like being in a place to eat with my daughter and there’s 2 “boys” nearby (early 20's) and all you hear in earshot is the F word. I’d rather my daughter not have to hear the F word OVER AND OVER AND OVER with or without purpose.

Then at all costs do not read DIANETICS by L Ron Hubbard. It’s all about remembering what happened in the womb - like the time Momma tried to abort you with knitting needles - so you can overcome your “aberrations.”

“A bathtub barfing up some shrubbery.”

You know what amazes me? All the shit adults (mostly teachers) did to me as a kid that my parents gave a pass to. I remember telling my mom how a teacher called me names, snapped his fingers in front of my face when I was trying to figure something out, dropping a bunch of heavy books in my face to get my attention,…

Ew, gross, I really hope my parents didn’t have sex while I was in the womb. That was something I hadn’t wanted to think about now that I’ve thought it.

My parents had sex while I was in the womb and now I’m a bad driver. Also, someone was speaking in the delivery room so I’m incapable of love.

I just...what?

Ah, to be young again.

No. I’m going to do cocaine.

You could always try to fool the four-year-old with Netflix’s new 2019 Countdowns: https://variety.com/2018/digital/news/netflix-2019-new-years-eve-countdowns-1203096060/

For real. Fuck that.

Partying with friends and making out with people- how terrible!

No thanks One evening a year of trump laden, mouth-throthing diatribes is enough for me. Already cashed that one in at christmas.

I was just there for Christmas.

I’m going to smoke a fuck load of weed and fall asleep by 10pm.  I’ll be fine.