Seriously, I was at 13 inches when I started commenting on the Internet for the first time. I'm up to 20 now.

"Overpriced draft picks for everybody, ON ME!"

First, he should read Tim Marchman's piece on why trying to make himself out as moral enforcer is wrong. He's the head of a billion-dollar business, nothing more or less. And if he still wants to wade into this issue after that, be honest. Admit he had very little of an actual understanding of domestic violence. Say…

1) Being from the Midwest is not a race. 2) Drew is from the Midwest. 3) How insecure of your beliefs and likes do you have to be to go to bat for an entire region of the country?

Q: So how about their chili?

"I loved it!" Paula Deen.

And that was just a wizz palace. This is a whole Wiz Khalifa.

Goddamit, white people.

"I could be upset about it," Meek said, "but I'm planning on inheriting the earth later, so who gives a fuck?"

We must preserve the caricatures, people! It's the only way we can honor the noble savages!

I like considering the rehearsals in the week prior to this performance in one of two possible ways; either they are golly-gee-shucks and hand each other really affirming, yet still corrective feedback ("Gosh, Diane, I kind of think you're hitting the pirouette a bit too early, and Sandy, you're a half-note flat for…

Yeah, its for similar reasons, but imagine it this way.

Steve Bisciotti looks like a guy that hopes you won't call his wife because he doesn't want there to be any misunderstandings.

That would also have the added benefit of teaching the players how important tough practices are to winning, because when you think "finishing strong," you think Marty Schottenheimer.

Yeah, but they were *STILL* unable to screw in that light bulb.

[Trainer] "LeSean, what's 20% of $61.56?"

I'd argue that this welcome is the warmest of welcomes, Tom.

Psalms 3:16 is where baseball's unwritten rules can be found.

Would I see Peyton Manning—who put his naked ass on a female trainer's face while in college—shouting out a stupid meme? No, I'd see him doing something worse.

Zygi Wilf and the Vikings Management on