Pretty sure Cobb would have said "Nigger."

He could use that speed to sneak into the Ballpark Village.

Listen, fuck face, I would have loved to embed the video of the highlight, but the clip on MLB's site is currently "not available for sharing." And if we rip the video and post it on our own, we get a cease and desist letter. So take it up with them.

"you're just causing a problem that doesn't need to be caused."

"... and even though it's only this big, the power trip I get from this job makes me feel like I'm Dirk Diggler."

Free Speech Night is off to a rousing start.

And there's your 2014 Braves yearbook cover.

If the Braves were really trying to put that fire out, they would have just let Dan Uggla and B.J. Upton take some swings at it.

AANNNNNNNNNNNNNDD THE ROCKETS' RED GLARE

I watched this entire game last night and this gif is just the tip of the iceberg. His at-bats are particularly gif-worthy. It is so much fun to watch this guy pitch: his fastball has movement, his pitch location is impeccable, and he induces a ridiculous number of swings and misses for a guy who tops out at 92 or…

I, for one, am shocked. A 22 year old sophomore?

Unfortunately, Gordon is no longer allowed to attend Mass.

This is such an exciting time for baseball. There are always stars but we're really blessed to have this huge group of emerging talent to accuse of playing the wrong way.

So the Undertaker really did win Wrestlemania.

He did use PEDs in his time. This is not a hypothetical.

Bonds' 762 should have an asterisk beside it, and that asterisk should reference a note at the very bottom of the list, and that note should read "762 is greater than 755".

No.

This is such bullshit. If I wanted to see good sports-related jokes get drowned out by a bunch of fucking nonsense spewed by idiots, I'd comment on Deadspin.

Good thing they aren't taken advantage of now.