Simple answer: you probably have a lobbyist representing some positive aspect of your life.

*reads headline*

Ok, but do we have a new Pope or not?

“Billionaire given second chance to play golf”

Let the dog’s play

Los Angeles Dong-ers

Say what you will but the Orioles are only 0.5 games out of the division lead with only 158 to play. They’re going to need Hess down the stretch.

Sometimes it’s a nuanced story about forgotten figures in sports. Sometimes a pig poops on its own balls.

By god, is that Edward B. Krinsky’s music?? 

This is tough. I mean MLB and Manfred are going out of their way to attract new fans, but this will definitely make most of their target demographic run away do doo doo doo do dooo

The kid was actually just asking for some wooder.

Paisley Boney IV has definitely been hazed at lacrosse camp for that name.

Luke Schenscher will always be my college basketball remembering guy

Just a reminder: the Junction Boys went 1-9

He’s literally twice the husband and father most people will ever be.

Realizing this may not be what you’re looking for, but the classic margarita is: tequila, triple sec, lime (varying ratios but 2:1:1 is a good starting place).

Jelleff is a great gym. The site of the “Greatest Game Never Played” and the “OK Game Always Played”

I request that my watch be left to Kyle Shanahan, so that he can constantly be reminded what a running clock is supposed to look like.

Someone was hit and killed just last week in front of my office. These things are deathtraps.