As long as you don’t have a UTI, technically, all urine is “drinkable.”

All right, that’s it, humanity. Get on the bus, you are going to day camp because you have clearly run out of things to do.

I need science to tell me I’m neurotic the same way I need my electric bill to tell me I spend too much time online.

A friend of mine died by suicide a few months ago.

Hey, I’m not saying it would charm and delight me to share a toothbrush, but it is illogical to be wholly disgusted by that and not, say, him going down on me. I mean, both habits are a bit weird, but then so much about human interaction is.

I really love that everyone’s favorite new flinty-eyed beefy hero is kind of a doofus. <3

I got pregnant at 20 and am pro-choice. I chose to have the baby. Reaction from others: But, but, I thought you guys believed in abortion, right? CHOICE motherfuckers. What part of that word do you not understand, other than trying to take it away from us?

“Business owner disagrees with my beliefs/lifestyle and refuses to create a product that celebrates or memorializes same.” I’m kind of with him on thinking this is okay, in theory — if I owned a bakery and some racist skinheads came in to buy cupcakes, I would sell them cupcakes (and go “ick, ew” under my breath the…

There’s something kind of amusing about the fact that you’ve read a copy of Bear Attacks to the point that it would be dog-eared.

That was you in a bear costume, wasn’t it?

Nope. Best practices for suicide reporting recommend not using “committed,” which sounds like a crime or, to religious communities, like a sin, and “kill yourself” is just insensitive, crude, and poorly phrased. “Died by suicide” is the phrasing recommended by mental health professionals and the American Foundation…

How about we just say that no matter what you weigh, you are free to want to lose weight for whatever reason or you are free to be like fuck yeah, I’m good just the way I am. I mean yeah, it’s refreshing to hear that (as someone who is super tall and weighs more than that as a result) but lets not hate on our 135…

Just tell them they’re not that attractive and you don’t know who let them talk. Maybe if they were hotter you would listen to their opinions.

What you doing in here, Kris? Don’t you have some momaging to do?

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

I was mid eye roll when I clicked on that Mindy Kaling link because I was so sure it was going to be the whole “I’m just such a guy’s girl” trope...but I do agree with her, it’s harder to make friendships in general than just physical hookups. The older you get everyone already is so set in their friendship…

If you don’t have a good sturdy cast iron skillet, this weekend, go to a flea market and pick one up. Or buy a Lodge cast iron skillet from BB&B.

I prefer to punish manspreaders the old fashioned way - by sitting my fat ass next to them and slowly squeezing their legs back together through the awesome power of physics.

And it’s increadibly uncomfortable being very pregnant because you’re short of breath all the time, you can’t eat normal sized meals, just snack which ruins your teeth, you can’t move freely and your bowels don’t work well being squashed like that. Luckily it’s only for the last miserable months, then it all moves…

I call bullshit on this. Like all things, if your hygiene is poor without a beard, it will be poor with a beard. There is no reason ANY man’s beard should contain fecal matter. NONE. Even if you go down on someone and they’re not having the freshest of days, you STILL wash your beard, you nasty fucker. If you change a…