Curses! Foiled again, eh. Sorry.

This map has changed my opinion on climate change. Not whether it exists or not; I always accepted that. But now I know it’s a plot by the Canadians.

You wound me to the quick, sirrah. I faith know not how I shall go on.

Thanks for the pageviews!

Nice to see that the Redskins found another use for the “add to cart” option after RG3 left.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine had an episode where Sgt. Jeffords (Terry Crews) was racially profiled. Considering it’s a comedy that revolves around the wacky antics of the characters, it was handled extremely well (the show actually does have some brilliant social commentary, aside from just being generally brilliant).

Taking a break is also a great idea. We do that. Sometimes if it’s early we’ll take a break and start, like, watching TV or something, naked, and them I often get so horny I’m like WOOOOOO TURN THAT SHIT OFF NOW!

This was me when I first met my wife. Here’s what I did:

There’s a major difference, in my opinion, from dating someone with different political beliefs (because most of us fall on a spectrum of the Overton window, even within our respective sides of allegiance) and dating someone who is willing to overlook and defend the sheer deceptiveness and pure bumblefuckery of this…

A one-night stand and a fling aren’t the same thing. You say “fling”,. I think of a gunpowder relationship. It burns fast and hot, but if you try to contain it, someone’s likely to get badly hurt.

If that is the level of her complaint she is a ridiculous bitch.

In surprising reversal, Chad Johnson is taking the House to it.

You may have technically “played” in the NFL, but his dad owned a USFL team. Oh yeah, and he’s at least 25% orangutan.

Huh. Wouldn’t have figured you for a Crossfit guy. You seem like you’d be too busy for the mandatory talking about Crossfit for seven hours a day.

Oh yeah? Well you I’m eating a hotdog and fried egg sandwich for breakfast at 4 pm, so there!

I’ve done Murph a couple times (no vest), and I think my best time ever was around 55 minutes. For comparison, I can run a mile in 5:30, two miles at 13:00 without feeling particularly winded, rock climb regularly at V4s pushing to V5s, and oh yeah, I played in the fucking NFL.

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…

“This is my motherfucking plane. I paid for this plane. And this motherfucker is acting like he’s doing me a favor sending me down on my own fucking plane. This nigga is playing me.”