No one calls the cops anymore. They pull out their phones to record.

I’m giving a ring to Tonya Harding. Nancy Kerrigan was nothing special, Tonya Harding made her a legend.

A cabinet position can’t be far behind.

Its a pretty liberating feeling being a Bears fan. No one can really hurt you talking shit about the team. We don’t really care if you say the Bears suck, because we’ve been saying it our whole lives.

You have to talk shit about Chicago dogs or Italian Beef sandwiches if you want to get under our skin.

“You’re a big man.”

Um, no, Chris, you’re the big man. Too big according to my body fat chart.

Its not only Kardashians, either. Tiger pics are big on Tinder regardless of sex, as well as elephant pictures. (And goddamn Machu Picchu, but I digress.)

I’m not sure I agree that Tinder needs to ban tiger selfies. Tiger selfies are good for weeding people out.

From what I’ve seen, the standard concession stand condiment station carries relish, onions, mustard and ketchup. Ketchup is a garbage condiment so I skip that but go with the rest.

At home, I’ll do mustard and relish, because I’m not cutting up an onion just to have a hotdog. Unless its a full blown cook-out, and then…

I think you mean Dr Pepper Ten. Don’t short me the nine calories.

You could go Pink Flamingos on some dogshit on the street if you want. Its your mouth.

I don’t wish for bad things to happen to people. But if something bad happened to LaVar Ball I’d be okay with it.

I’m gonna show her my Oh face.

Jesus, kid. Your dad took you to a ballgame, he’s already less of a disappointment than mine.

Never heard it much when I lived on the north side, but when I got to college every single south-sider I met used it.

I hear Chi-town from locals all the time. Also “The Chi”

I got what you were talking about on the first read. I think there’s a segment of people like like to jump on this topic no matter what.

Do your really believe an aircraft carrier is 12X more complex and sophisticated than any other ship in the ocean?

No clue on the design, but it’ll be 100% owned by foreign investors w/ the Trump name merely licensed.

Kickmen could be fun IRL. I’d play. Anyone want to start a league?

Those aren’t terrorists. Those are just mentally ill “lone wolf” white guys.