Don’t worry, we blacks and Latinos are about to come in and save liberal white America from itself very soon.

This is why I like her and would vote for her if I could. I know the arguments against her and why she shouldn’t be nominated but damn, she knows her way around.

Contrary to my dinner tonight, I love veggies and greenery, but kale just tastes like weed-y, bitter sadness to me.

Damn me and my love of carbs and my intense dislike of kale, causing my financial ruin and failure to purchase world-class, inspired, and spiritually-sound bookmarks!

Really, it’s been the same thing over and over ever since the infamous “conscious uncoupling.” I just want to walk up to her and be like...

“I sure hope — we’re in Bernie Sanders’ backyard here in New Hampshire — I sure hope he intends to show up in his neighboring state”...“There is nothing worse than a debate about debates.”

Buffy and Mr. Prinze Jr do.not.age. I’ll have what they’re having.

About Grease? I complain that the musical exists in the first place, but that’s just me.

When I scrolled down to that, I was like, “what the hell...” but then I saw that it was Lori Petty and all is forgiven.

It is REAL. All they do is drive and cook and eat and bicker pleasantly while slowly getting drunk.

Do you also get the most incredulous faces? Like WHOA I AM A MAN YOU SEE ME RIGHT?

There’s going to be so many crying pissbabies in here, but fuck it.

In a similar but unrelated note, I now bump into men who walk right into my path instead of moving to the side as we pass on narrow sidewalks.

Post-wine texted this to the ex-husband who keeps contacting me

I would like to suggest a show consisting entirely of the scene with Jake and Olivia on the beach when they ran away together. With the camera angle panning much, much lower. And different actresses. Such as myself.

Oh let me count the ways.

This is the greatest Jez comment of all time. It has everything: chocolate sauce, vegan lasagna, Jesus, porn, and Tooms speaking to you. Thank you.

ONLY from Patsy or Edina, no one else.

I said BRRRR! It’s cold in here!