I’ve found that a lot of men *genuinely* think they are amazing. I don’t know why or where it comes from, but they really do think they are god’s gift and any woman would be lucky to have them.

And I took it as if you’ve been single for any length of time, you must be hopeless about it because what women is complete without a man, amirite?

I don’t know about that. It took me a week to meet, fall in love with and invite someone to move in with me. Of course, that someone was the cat that got dumped in my apartment complex, and I think she’s a girl. But I have high hopes it could work out.

You do want their cock? YOU’RE A SLUT.

I’m not generally the kind of feminist who “hates all men” but between my recent personal experiences - stuff like this, the Duggar Rapist and Jarrod, my misogonistic father who is visiting and I now realize that I hate for who he is not just for what he did to me and my brother - I’m just all manned out right now

That’s not even an emoji, that’s just a straight up sext

I’m 35 and spent my 20’s in Melbourne bars being that weird girl who danced front and centre first. Binge drinking was a serious business and I would go out 4 nights a week.

So, I’m a giant hypocrite. I eat meat. Love it. However, it disturbs me to see real animal fur. Would never wear it myself. It has a similar feel to me if you went and killed a person (even for a REALLY REALLY REALLY great reason). You wouldn’t decide, “Hey! I know. I’m going to make some shoes and a wallet out of…

I’ll tell you who they didn’t get the fur from:

Is her name Tammy, by any chance? Is your name Ron Swanson?

My ex-wif ran up about $900 of fines on my library card and most of the librarians at my library let me check out a book here or there on my kids’ cards, which they don’t have to do.

Clearly you just haven’t found someone who deserves you.

I tried using Werewolf Bar Mitzvah as a conversation starter on Tinder.

OCTOBER 17th?!?!?!! DAMNIT!!!! That’s the same day as my Werewolf Bar Mitzvah!!

yayyyy so happy for Tracy

“According to his children, the dad’s last words were- and I’m paraphrasing here, your Honor- “I want to see a manager, those grills marks look crunchy and I’m allergic to crunchy.”

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.