How much attention were you paying when you supposedly read the article? There’s a photo of the “offending” outfit right up top. What exactly is unprofessional about that ensemble? I have seen major political figures wear similar things on the TV. I have seen FBI agents wear that to work. College presidents wear that…

Fuck off. Sorry, that was just easier.

That’d be an interesting comparison...if Ivanka was running for fucking president.

I’m 66 years old. I became a feminist when I was 5, and my older sister was told she could “join” a model airplane club my father belonged to. She could pay dues, but not attend meetings or meet because she was a girl.(My father promptly “unjoined” that club!) I’ve been waiting 61 years for today.

Not to get all sappy, but adults tend to forget how much things mean to kids. All kinds of things, whether big, little, good or bad. Even without the video and Deadspin article, this kid will remember getting that bat forever.

Since they’re getting married, might as well change that caption to:

Pictured:

Haast’s eagle was freaking huge. It had a ten foot wingspan and preyed on five hundred pound ostrich relatives that are also extinct. Since they went extinct the most dangerous creature in enzed is those ‘kea’ parrots, because they love to strip the rubber moulding from around car windows. Insurance companies hate…

So he did everything ‘wrong’, but the police DIDN’T execute him? Hmmmm...maybe if more encounters were leavened with police restraint, like this one, citizens wouldn't fear lethal consequences to what should be a routine interaction. Good on these police.

Composite sketch of prime suspect fleeing the scene:

Not interested, unless it was built by aliens or the illuminati

So when he masterbates, does he hum the tune to He’s got the whole world in his hands?

“Kong don’t surf.”

“I love the smell of ape shit in the morning.”

This is the best one:
* ETA just click the tweet I can’t figure out vine embedding on Kinja

Was that an invitation to the troll?

Now imagine having a blast like that go off underneath you when you think you’re minding your own business fighting a war. This was a common tactic during WWI. Some of the blasts were so large they remade the landscape in France and rank as some of the largest non-nuclear explosions in history.

What shark?

I carve a hole in cantaloupes and then microwave them for 30 seconds, before having sex with them. So maybe you should rethink your “a cock massage can be every bit as good as whatever else you’re into.” statement there pal.

Damn, I almost acknowledged racism. Thank god you and statistics were there to save me!