oh, millenials are going to "fix" things. can't wait for that.

fun fact:

The next stupid, rich white person trend.

“It’s one thing if it was true, but I have to say I’m pretty devastated that they’d go so far to make something up to mock and ridicule me so much.”

Dont trust unattended brownies, people. They’re bad news.

we’ll have to agree to different interpretations then

“Aww, shoot.”

El Shehaby? More like El She-baby amirite?

I am a translucent Vrgydd from VY Canis Majoris 8 (our species is hermaphroditic). I have no stake in this. My planet’s liquid surface is several thousands of miles below the gaseous methane strata that I typically inhabit so the concept of swimming is utterly foreign to me. I am completely unmoved.

No it makes him a fucking jabroni for eating his fried chicken with a fork and knife

In the cosmic sense, do any of us really have any control?

$70 for tonight’s game against the Giants, don’t think he was in the Diamond Club, they wouldn’t put up with that very long.

“Somebody please get me the fuck out of [grabs shirt and reads] Cincinnati.”

You were taking notes on your phone in a movie theater? You are not a bad mom, just a bad person.

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

It’s a fucking stupid thing as evidenced by the behavior on the video and the behavior of all these people out there wandering like zombies with their phones in front of their faces. “Exercising and exploring,” puh-leeze.

What a catch.

“...and each player who wore a black shirt was fined $500.”

If I find out Baio had anything to do with this, I’m going to kick his fucking ass.

I live in a condo. No hallway. Not leaving it by the dumpster for a kid to find. Also, I’d sort of like the 50 bucks or whatever I’d get by selling it on Craig’s List.