“Somebody please get me the fuck out of [grabs shirt and reads] Cincinnati.”

You were taking notes on your phone in a movie theater? You are not a bad mom, just a bad person.

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

It’s a fucking stupid thing as evidenced by the behavior on the video and the behavior of all these people out there wandering like zombies with their phones in front of their faces. “Exercising and exploring,” puh-leeze.

What a catch.

“...and each player who wore a black shirt was fined $500.”

If I find out Baio had anything to do with this, I’m going to kick his fucking ass.

I live in a condo. No hallway. Not leaving it by the dumpster for a kid to find. Also, I’d sort of like the 50 bucks or whatever I’d get by selling it on Craig’s List.

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

Kinda not sure but might think its ok to celebrate athletes for on-field accomplishments without it being an endorsement of who they are in their personal lives?

He peaked with Thin Red Line. Admittedly, a really high peak.

Words are an arrangement of letters and sounds (or images, depending on your language) that have power, you have to be careful with your words, especially when you are running for president.

Give the kid a break, he learned how to play defense from James Harden.

But then he went home and titty-fucked Kate Upton, so . . . win some, lose some.

Yeah, who wants to see a bunch of morons in brightly colored heavy protective gear stupidly smashing into each other like idiots, right?

I wouldn’t call this fake. The impact of these lances is legit, especially if it hits a soft spot. Never mind being knocked off your horse.

Rapey? I guess I can see that. I’m assuming you’re talking Bill Murray, when he was a persistent to the point of being a bit creepy when trying to get a date with Sigourney Weaver.

How long before the first sexual harassment lawsuit by a female jouster, claiming a male jouster poked her with his lance?

I actually don’t think it’s good to be excited about participation in golf.

Agreed. I can’t imagine this being anything but terrible and not because of the cast but instead because of empirical evidence.