I think at this point it’s clear MacFarlane was warning us to train for the giant chickens that will soon come to fight us all.

I can’t speak to the legitimacy of the Bennett photo, but I do know this picture is real and it pisses me off. Really, though, we all kind of secretly knew.

This is vindication for Sammy Hagar fans everywhere.

To minimize your pain depending on your browser:

Also choose Democracy to build up your coffers, but when it’s time to rule the world you hard switch to Communism.

Being a petulant tyrant who sues for peace when things don’t work out but is otherwise an aggressive world-ender is the only way to play, as I understand it.

Ryan Mallett was refusing to hand over the Ravens playbook?

Honestly both.

Well I asked Alexa if this would be an issue for me and she said it was fine.

Because I’m a dick. Welcome to Deadspin for the first time.

Stop bringing carry-on bags that won’t fit under the seat in front of you on planes. Just stop doing it. You will instantly be 100x calmer during the entire process, as you sit and watch all the idiots stand in line (or even better, stand in line just to wait for their section to be allowed to stand in line) so they…

Tell that to my fuckin parole officer.

Back in my day, we called this the 2 man butter churn. It was illegal in 3 counties.

Looks like me, trying desperately to find a browser tab that’s NOT Deadspin or similar bullshit when my stupid-ass boss walks up.

Can I can you some cranberry juice so you can continue?

WTF, no opinion on diagonal staples? So much better, and less chance of tearing.

The tribalism is one of my favorite things about sports. Sports is a great thing to be tribal over. It crosses racial and economic demographic lines, helps create a sense of community, and permits faux-hatred of outsiders that strengthens the in group bonding.

Rodgers has missed less than 15 games in his career to injury...

Really it’s gonna be me with just shoes, a jersey, a hat, and a bat.