In order to win an election, he’s going to have to steal some of those voters. Saying “fuck off” to 46% of the country is idiotic. 

Remember when you brought him into this again even though he has almost nothing to do with this story?

I feel a little bad saying this but I can’t see a picture of Preckwinkle and not see Adam Carolla aged 15 years.

Maybe it’s time to stop saying people are “openly” gay. You could just say people are gay. 

God damn it Jared.

It’s easier if you think of it in terms of the different types of Mexicans. The people from Mexico are Mexicans. Then you have island mexicans from Puerto Rico (and maybe DR?) and central american mexicans from everywhere between Mexico and Panama. What is south of Panama? One day maybe we’ll know.

I don’t need to read the quotes or watch the video of Gidley. I just look at his face and immediately I can hear his voice “See the brown people don’t know about financial management...”

PROVE IT

There must be some special jail for blonde, white women right?

So my wife and I and 2 young kids went to a minor league hockey game over the weekend. Sat and talked shit during the anthem and got a lot of extremely dirty looks from people. Then they announced it was “military veterans and families” night and of course the whole stadium gave a standing ovation while we sat. I…

I irradiated your mom

Radon is the 2nd leading cause of lung cancer and no one can be bothered to get their basement tested or to spend a little money to put in a mitigation system. Meanwhile, lets freak out about this seriously scary shit!

It’s only “seriously scary shit” if you are stupid. We’re all being slowly killed by real pollution and we’re permanently fucking the planet, but yeah lets freak out more about rAdIatiOn!

An induction stove top fried my insides, but to be fair I had stuffed my insides with ferrous metals.

Also republicans are smart and understand economics, while democrats are dumb and just want to spend money they don’t have. Somehow none of that applies to security state spending though. 

Auto-mute sounds better than having a random person who doesn’t mute and then you have to spend 2 minutes saying “excuse me, we’re hearing some background noise, could everyone mute their phones please.”

Do those who enjoyed Wrigley field in the past appreciate the new renovations, or are they shitty? From the the window of the train it looks like they’re turning it into a modern sports shopping mall (shitty).

You guys are making it really fucking hard for me to ever go to a cubs game again. 

Yeah they can't accept the tickets from you then re-sell them.

They hate us because of our freedom.