I just feel bad for all the Arctic bivalves that are back on his menu.  

Bolton is a nightmare and deserves far more humiliation, but getting shit-canned unceremoniously by tweet is a good start. 

Alabama should file for emergency storm relief aid and make the government explain why they’re denying the claim.

Shouldn’t the Ivanka mask have blocked that?

It’s a normal sized head. Find a new slant. 

Brady’s head has gotten inexplicably SMALLER since his rookie season. I think I’m going to start one of those rumors like with Avril Lavigne that he’s been replaced by a clone but it’ll be more feasible because they can totally clone dogs.

A black IPA?

That’s really too bad. I was hoping he’d get paralyzed. 

HOLY SHIT NEW BLOCK AND TACKLE! The only thing that could make this better is if the Bills long-snap their way to victory on Sunday! Which will surely happen considering they’re playing the lowly Jets, who don’t even have a SUPERTHREAD in their favor right now...

TETIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Well all I know is, I want to be in whatever timeline has the return of Block and Tackle to the AV Club.

I’m a Bears fan, I only drafted kickers

He’s still my optometrist though I got lazik so I don’t see him much anymore.

I know Bernie has his supporters, but I really want him to bow out due to age (Biden too, while we’re at it) and throw his support to Warren. She’s done nothing but impress me.

So it’s Captain Murphy?

Yeah, but they're so hard to harvest. They're bouncing here and there and everywhere 

#sticktosprouts

On 30 Rock*

That was a Tracy Jordan performance for the ages