Criminals commit crimes. Suicide is not a crime.

omg her tragic spelling of spaghettios

All Hemsworths are on brand Hemsworths. Unlike Baldwins.

wtf this is rude my twitter is great

Sunblock. It's the worst kept secret that no one fucking uses.

You realize this is a suggestion and not a legal mandate right?

I know! His face is asleep and then it magically wakes up when he dances. Makes this heaux blush.

He seemed much more skilled at the vogueing than the rest!

That’s literally the first time I’ve found him charming and attractive. But still, only from the neck down. Can some industrious person crop in Tom Hardy’s face for me?

Y’know, when I see stills of Channing Tatum, he doesn’t do much for me. He’s very cute but so dopey looking.

literally the cutest mom response ever.

I disagree whole heartedly. Unleash the tits. Like, if youre packing something that beautiful, don’t you have SOME sort of duty to share it with the world? I think so.

Modeling is her job? She and John seem pretty active in putting their beliefs into good use.

Sheeeeee’s a model, specifically (and often) a swimsuit model. Her job is to literally show her body. “Putting them away” would mean no longer being a model. I don’t see how that diminishes her ideas.

I never thought of her tits being fake before but now that I’ve seen them in this weird gravity-defying position it all makes sense

Also:

I’m still sad over Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.

She’s no longer fucking Ben Afflek :(

Minister, seeking comfort. Swipe left.

Way to talk about your wife’s affair in a statement asking people to respect your privacy, asshole. You do not deserve an amazing name like Tullian Tchividjian.