you really shouldn’t be operating a segway while stoned anyway

I’d rather have my uterus grow back and get another hysterectomy, but while awake this time.

In other news, Kim Jomg’s Angst smoked another bowl. It was similar to previous bowls, and was awesome. This is not related to anything else, just wanted to brag and I'm bad at segways.

I would rather get another abortion than watch that video, tbh

In related news, Feminist Kittenjoy released another bowel movement. It was similar to previous bowel movements. Nothing interesting to note. Just more shit.

its nothing, when i was 19 or so, i had my bf spend weekends with us, so my mom sometimes was asking me for condoms, when they run out. for some reason, it never bothered me.

The first time my first serious boyfriend met my parents, at some point it was mentioned that he was Catholic. My mom took this as an opportunity to LOUDLY start singing “Every Sperm is Sacred” from Monty Python and the Meaning of Life. In retrospect, I find this hilarious (and am very impressed at how much of the…

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

I had went out to lunch at the mall with my mom, I had to have been in my early 20’s. We stopped in the food court to ear and as usual mom took out her top plate of dentures. She used to say she couldn’t eat with them in, so she would oh so smoothly use a tissue and pop out the teeth.

Mine was thankfully only something I witnessed, but it was HORRIFYING. In middle school after leaving the dermatologist my Mom and I were at Walmart shopping for facewash. I was looking at the Neutrogena and Mom whispers in my ear “I never liked Neutrogena. It feels like cum on my face.”

My mom and I had a rough time in high school. I had a hair-trigger temper that came directly from her. We were in the car arguing about... nothing important, probably, when she was getting really mad that I was insisting on holding a packet that had my competitive dance photos in it while we argued. (We use sign…

Because I hate to shop for clothes, and always have, whenever my family went to the mall, I would spend about an hour with my mom buying school clothes and then she would meet up with my dad and pass me off so she could shop for herself in peace. I was always SUPER excited about this, because it meant about 2 hours of…

I had a very sweet first boyfriend. He was quite a catch. We had grown up on different coasts. Me in CA, he NY.

When I was going to be a freshman in college my mom randomly told the Best Buy sales associate (male, naturally) we were buying a computer from that I would be starting college as a virgin. “How often do you see that?” she asked. Probably never mom, or more specifically...no one else in the history of ever has thought…

My dad was a pretty serious LOTR nerd before it was cool, i.e. before the movies came out. He read all the appendices and books by Tolkien’s son annotating his father’s notes and books about the linguistics and collections of artwork about Middle Earth. Two of these artists were particularly considered to be experts,…

oh my god dumbell

excellent. thank you, zoha.

Agent random cat Bubba is clearly just “chillin” as you say. Bubba is in no way attending classes in order to learn precious human secrets about things like thermodynamics and nuclear fusion in order to construct a power plant for team cat hq. Because that would be totally ridiculous and completely unbelievable.

Bobby, I didn’t see any pictures of the ring.