I’m going to have to find a way to incorporate dildochugger into my everyday vocabulary.

“kids are stupid. They can’t play a terrible game. Back in my day our games were ugly and hard and read like poorly translated stereo instructions. Games today are crap.”

I prefer the yellow journalism myself.

I’m thinking Arby’s

The main thing that gripes my ass whenever someone does a profile of Solo is the way that her behavior, whether overtly or not, is somehow explained away or justified by her tough childhood.

Forget game recaps, this is literally the type of article I come to Deadspin for.

I live on an assortment of leafy green lettuce. Not a huge kale fan.

If Solo were a male she would have been kicked off the team and never play again.

Right or wrong, it’s hard to take anyone seriously after you’ve seen their butthole.

Sign over door at USWNT practice facility: “ Abandon Hope all ye who enter here...”

Badass Bob Ley and Co. strike again.

I’ve always known that hope is full of shit. But then, I’m a Tottenham supporter.

“Obert’s nephew would defend himself against Solo with a wooden broomstick, which he broke in half by striking it against Solo’s head as she refused to leave, according to his deposition.”

Come on man, he’s only 3! You want to put him in a cage? I wouldn’t even leave him alone with Josh Duggar.