Well, they were sitting around in the uncle’s shitty apartment which was littered with beer cans. . The uncle stumbles up from his chair and shouts “I bought you all this beer, pay up!” . and kind of shoves his crotch in the direction of the kids face and moves to unzip his pants and *I think* the kid got down on…

Oh, man. The crazy baptists in my hometown used to do this. I actually went to one in high school thinking it was a legit haunted house. Their evil scenery was much tamer because it was pre-9/11, pre “mass shootings every day” America. They showed some pretty ridiculous shit, like a goth girl listening to Marilyn…

Thankfully, I have never shit my pants in public. I did shit my pants in front of my Dad’s transcriptionist when I was 20, but we were in her car and I’m not sure she knew that’s what was happening to me. All my stories are vomit-related.

This story will sound lame compared to all the others but it scared the bejesus out of me when it happened. My Grandma died when I was 22 and I made the trip to Leland, MI with my parents to attend the funeral. We stayed at an old lodge less than a block away from my Grandma’s house, where she had died in her sleep…