Screw the family in the last story. They deserved a table by the dumpster. Had my children made fun of a person with special needs, I would have made them apologize. I then would have picked up the family's check and my children would have then had that money deducted out of their allowances until the balance was…

Goddamit, white people.

Clouds are not condensation. They are giant bunches of sky cotton from whence angels make their heavenly body pillows in the shape of anime characters.

One of my first full-time jobs was at this incredibly busy hotel kitchen in Rotorua (NZ). We had a bunch of chefs and one of them was this French chef with a really bad temper, he took special delight in terrorizing the dishwashers. The hardest working, worst paid of the staff (aside from the laundry staff, those…

Instead of punching her in the face, like I wanted to, I said, "how 'bout I don't charge you for the haircut, and we'll call it even?"

This feature is the best thing about Mondays.

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

Karen Milton:

But! Does he sell monogrammed coffee thermoses?

I have Facebook friends who have been counting down to Christmas for weeks. But then I've been counting down with equal fervor to the start of hockey season.

Yes. Yes it is. But I blame Bleu Cheese dude. At $20 a pop, about twice a month, that's ~$480 a year he was spending on bowls of bleu *hork* .... excuse me a moment... *gag* on bowls of *blerggggggggh* Nope, can't finish the sentence.

I get that this is supposed to be art or whatever, but it appears to be topped with black olives and fried tofu.

My husband and I decided he would "geo-bach"(basically he moved for work and I stayed home with our young daughter) because his deployment schedule was going to be bananas for a year or so. That year turned into three, and while it wasn't ideal, he came out to visit every few months and I thought we were okay. We…

Even on my job's worst day, I can console myself with the fact that at least my job doesn't involve me staring at pictures of people's knees and trying to match their vague shadows to works of art.

Yeah, but my stepmother told my sister she earns $30/h without standing up practically just browsing the internet.

Well, if it does turn out to be a hoax, will Major Wingfield be...RED FOR FILTH?

Mmm, shih tzu mushrooms. Hairy.

I really want this guy to be a cousin of the monogrammed coffee thermos guy.