She deserves better than working with Lena Dunham.

Can kids get vaccinated without a parent present? Because I’d have snuck out and done that if the alternative was being taught by my parents for 12 years.

Jesus. Hector. Christ. I hope someone proposes during her stupid fucking wedding. I hope everyone who’s not the bride wears white just to spite her. I hope her maid of honor gives a really mean, passive-aggressive speech. I hope her aunt gets too drunk and hits on the groom, and he goes for it.

“round up people like you”

Do you feel safe?

I’ll bet his beard is toxic.

SOCIAL JUSTICE GIVES ME A REAL FUCKING BONER, OKAY

They decided they wanted a white man to help a black woman over the wall to take down the flag as a symbol of race relations and fighting against oppression and how allies should behave, assisting but not silencing black voices.

She should have her own show like Iyanla Fix My Life but instead it'll be Bree Fix America No I Know it's so Bad but Can You Try

I appreciate the Madeleine L’Engle reference. She most certainly did lead us to believe dolphins are the gentle, psychic healers of the deep. But hey, maybe the dolphin psychically knew that this lady was going to walk in front of a bus and get killed and he broke her ankles to save her????

smug to the smugth power

“Tanned, Rested, and Ready” seems like a twee t-shirt slogan that would be posted on a Pinterest board called “It's a Southern Belle Thing! <3”

I love when people work Piss Christ into conversations.

People who sing in public are the worst. No one wants to hear your out of tune ass serenade people trapped with you on a train or in a restaurant or a store. Unless it’s “Happy Birthday To You” and you are bringing me a desert with a candle in it, shut the fuck up and restrict your tone deaf warbling to the confines…

THIS IS A FUCKING PERSONAL ATTACK ON ME AND EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN

this is what Barack Obama would look like if he were a Chucky Doll and I fucking hate it

So...what, they’re doing their impressions of their favourite confederate soldiers?

“Five shots of vodka in Vegas every three years” is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Wayyyyyy sadder than “I don’t drink ever.” Sadder than “45 ounces of flat Miller High Life in the 7-Eleven bathroom every Veterans Day.” Sadder than “A gallon of moonshine in my grandma’s garage at 8:45 A.M. every Thursday.” Kim,…