“Please don’t punch babies in the face. It’s not nice to do so.”

Almost as good as “I’m for whatever both Israel and Palestine want”

But Josh Gordon is gonna have his career ruined because of weed.

“I must point out that this was bad refereeing that gave them the second penalty. The contact that preceded Suárez throwing himself to the ground was very soft.”

Welcome back Avery Bradley. Ye were missed.

I’m guessing (I don’t know the La La Land dudes) that the bald fellow who broke the news over the mic was the above-mentioned Jordan Horowitz?

I’ve never seen him before but I admire how he was serious as a heart attack about this. He wasn’t having any jokes, he was not putting up with any confusion, and he fucking…

That La La Land producer is who we all want to be in that moment. Decisive, understands priorities, gets the proof out there ASAP, and his hand was steady as a fucking rock holding that card up for the cameras to read.

The biggest winner tonight: Steve Harvey

This is my moment in the ketchup-flavored sun.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

Ha! I FUCKING CALLED IT!

Whatever, her grandfather was the worst professor I ever had and then I heard he killed some guy.

I’m very happy that she’s overcome her illness to become the most colorful pimp in all of St Louis

Kahled was really keepin busy there, hits a 3, does a performance, and gets dunked over in the span of like 12 mins. Aka “the brook Lopez hat trick”

After you stopped watching to write this, he asked a black reporter to set up a meeting with the black caucus, blamed an uptick in Nazi graffiti on “the other side,” and, fuck, probably a few other things but I’m high now because weed is medicine and I’m very sad.

That sentence is dumb, but it’s not nearly as stupid as this sentence:

Counterpoint: the Uncle Drew ads are fine.

No love for Mutant League Football?