The only dénouement involving a man falling from a building that I could have considered acceptable would have had to involved Duck Phillips and an Irish Setter head butting him over a railing from behind.

Childfree of Kitchenette, Unite!

During my Catholic Mass wedding ceremony, the priest instructed to take each other’s hand. My husband automatically shook my hand and said, “pleased to meet you!” and I replied, “charmed!” And the priest couldn’t even pretend he wasn’t laughing.

I teared up and cried a bit. My husband, however, ugly-sobbed his way through it. It was amazing.

This. My mom put me on a leash when I was too big to be carried, too little to listen, and wouldn’t hold her hand. I had a little leather harness and the leash attached to the back. Didn’t pull my arm and I couldn’t get out of it. She got crap for it once or twice, which she quickly shut down by explaining the above.

I worked at a company that provided lunch for employees on weekends. Once when it was my turn to get food we ordered a crap load of Arbys, probably about 75 sandwiches. We called ahead to give them our order that morning and told them what time we’d be coming. They didn’t mention this on the phone, but that branch…

I’ve seen parents on FB lose their fucking minds when restaurants don’t have changing stations in the bathroom (even though some of them don’t even bother checking and just change them on DINING room tables and chairs).

Back in the mid 8o’s I worked at the restaurant in SOHO and the bass player from David Letterman lived upstairs, he came in almost everyday and was a zero tipper and would often leave without paying his check, (why the owner out up with his baloney?). Worst was when his large trashy family would come to visit him from…

When I worked at a craft beer/pizza joint a popular menu item was our calzones. These were huge, and made fresh to order and took a while to cook. Our menu made note of this and it was there in writing that it could take over half an hour depending on how busy we were.

I kind of love it - the toss at our wedding devolved into a legit rugby brawl (my uni team mates plus my husband’s farmhand cousins - yowza), complete with complicated lifts and called plays. It was a thing of beauty. The teenaged cousin who ended up with the bouquet then got carried around on the shoulders of 20 or…

I do not believe this is correct.

It’s the hold music, I swear.

This makes me physically ill. As someone who routinely buys food for homeless people as a matter of course, I would have been horrified to be confronted with this attitude. Fortunately, the city I work in has a large number of food trucks, and the people who run them are generally decent (and sometimes really awesome)…

Twelve years ago when I was homeless in Baltimore and lurking around a RoFo dumpster the Krispy Kreme driver told me that any night I was outside when he got there I could have every 12 hr old donut (all destined for said dumpster if I wasn't there at drop off time). He would bag them nicely and wish me well. Thank u…

Back about 15 years ago I use to stop in at a local McDonalds for breakfast a couple times a week. I would get there maybe 20 minutes before the switch from breakfast to lunch menu, and after a bit I noticed something that went on just after the switch. The staff would pull all the remaining breakfast sandwiches off…

Fun fact: “Giving people what they’re willing to pay for.” narrowly lost out to “I’m loving it” when McDonald’s was picking a slogan.

Another (regretfully) true story: During my Fazoli’s days (back at the second location I worked at) we had a guy who was a regular jackass. I hated this guy, because he was a condescending prick, and always had the most pain in the ass special orders he could come up with. So, one night during the week of the Final…

All I know is, the day I see a coffee place offer a Gigantor sized coffee, I will stop in, get the Gigantor, and give the barista a high five and a nice tip.