The headline could’ve read “HALLE BERRY LOOKING BUSTED AS HELL, CAUGHT WITH TEAR TRACKS AND BLASTING ADELE,” and she’d still look better than 97% of the population.

I LOVE DAD JOKES.

The emoji makes me think no. And he’s also a neurosurgeon, not a pediatrician. But I’m not well-versed in Cher-isms.

He’s just pretending to be dense, so that no one asks him to do laundry.

I love how white men that claim to live in fear of ‘government tyranny’ and believe that it is righteous to rebel against it are the first ones to insist that all black people should strictly obey every police officer like a submissive dog.

“Who will replace you, Coach?”

I’m one of those perverted souls who weirdly enjoys it. Give ‘em to me, I’ll do it for you.

I don’t know why but Gwen doing that just seems like a baller move to me. Like a - I just want to seriously be done with you, go away, I will give you half my money now get out. I don’t care about the money I just want you out of my life.

Oh shit. That’s how my dog looks at me. All. The. Time. This isn’t the best example, but it’s all I had on me.

That dog has some serious sex eyes going on. Like, I am not weird for saying this. right? guys? guyyyys?!

I don’t appreciate how unsatisfying it is to angrily hang up on someone on an iPhone. I miss flip phones sometimes.

Gorgeous and funny and charming though. I wish she'd host a midnight chat show.

Crass stitch?

I want in on this.

I want to be couple friends with Megan and Nick where we do old people things like puzzles and cross stitch with really crass conversation.

I only disagree with her about all men cheating and the idea that teachers are buttoned up respectable types. The biggest degenerates (in the BEST way) I’ve known are all teachers.

This was a really interesting read. Thank you.

How does anyone even know she “died in seconds”? She was left in there for 10 hours, so I assume no one knows how long it took her to die since no one was there. They haven’t even released autopsy reports yet.

I mean it’s ONE banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?