If Hillary is the Democratic nominee, people better vote for her. I don’t care if you disagree with some of her policies. We all do. But don’t not vote, or vote for a third party candidate in protest. That would pretty much guarantee a Republican victory, a two-term presidency, and Republican-appointed Supreme Court…

If like me, you think she’s the best of a bad bargain, suck it up and vote for her. Thank you. We have a Supreme Court to think about.

That’s how they trick us into taking care of them. Babies also giggle for the first time at the exact moment their parents start contemplating leaving them in the woods.

it’s a special pomade they keep in their leg rolls and smear on when you aren’t looking

I’ve seen stories about this all day and this is the first one that’s echoed EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING about that screaming dolt and then made me legit lol because of course manatees would have the names of mild-mannered office workers. Nicely played, Mark.

In the immortal words of Dwight Schrute:

“one of my parents, who will remain anonymous (it’s my mother), who once admitted that when our pacifiers fell out she’d pop them in her own mouth right quick and them stick them back in ours.”

Rick Perry and Mittens are definitely handsome idiots.

The tabs have been peddling that “Amal is a diva and poor George can’t take it anymore” line for months now, and yet all George’s public comments, as well as the body language in photos of them together, suggest happiness and compatibility.
So I’m wondering what the tabs are really trying to sell here. Of course they…

Look, I’m sure this Egg is a very nice person, but I don’t want you spendin’ all your money...

You’ve met her....so many times....met her and met her....

But you let her in... that’s her right over there.

What the fuck kind of body shaming, cancer shaming bullshit is this fucking comment.

Yeah my response was “What??? No Jamie DO NOT DO THAT!!”

That’s male privilege in a nutshell! ‘Hahaha, I just, like, thought it would be, like, interesting to, like, follow a woman around for a while, hurhurhur. I didn’t give, like, a single fuck if, like, she noticed it and, like, was scared the fuck out, though, hurhurhur.’

Even the most anti-abortion-but-still-sane people have to know how crazy many of their elected compatriots sound. They can begin to right their ship by dispatching this lunatic pronto.

If a doctor is required by one of these laws to say something, can she say

Is this the aspirin that I'm supposed to put between my legs?

...and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow