Mr. Trump cannot even send birthday wishes without positioning himself in absolute center of the photograph.

Hey Curt, what’s up?

The best female tennis player of all time

Yes, but there’s a time and a place to talk about nonconsentual circumcision of the penis. Generally speaking, it’s not when talking about forced clitorectomies, since that’s a specific problem that has proven pernicious and needs to be stamped out.

dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity

Also, Hot Woman, thank you for this!

“I thought heptathletes couldn’t have babies because they were born with both parts?” - Emmitt Smith

Sox fan here, and there is no defense to that. But it does bring back a pleasant memory.

I was at an August game in 1991 between the Cubs and Giants in Candlestick. It was a memorable game for me for two reasons. 1.) Chico Walker hit an inside-the-park grand slam. 2.) It was the first time I ever heard my mom drop…

OMG THANKS FOR ASKING.

the unconstitutional takes a little longer.

No vote on this motherfucker until Garland gets his. Period.

It should be pointed out, if it isn’t obvious, that it’s in fact illegal to ask women those types of questions in a job interview. So he’s not only an asshole, he lets his assholeness cloud reasonable judgement of the law.

Raise your hand if you’re SO tired of the bullshit.

I have a Syrian hamster and a Russian hamster. (Seriously, that where they each originated from.) OMG you would not believe how tense it has been in my home.

This post is satire by humor writer Alexandra Petri

This will almost certainly put him at odds with former teammate and notorious crip Wes Welker.

Are we ruling out the possibility that he’s secretly sworn to the Dallas Cowboys, though?