I actually hardly ever date and my sex partners can be counted on one hand. I'm not really the throw myself out there type because I know I'm predisposed to make poor choices. I know I'm doing something wrong. Something about me makes people treat me this way. Maybe I'm just really picking the wrong friends too. But I…

I asked a friend who is studying psychology at NYU about that, she forgot to get back to me so I'll have to ask her again.

Yea, that's where I am right now. I don't know, maybe I'm not seeing something I'm doing wrong. I used to be very sarcastic and I stopped that, I don't joke around a lot anymore because I noticed I would get carried away sometimes. So that's where the respect thing kicks in. I've been trying to be less opinionated and…

I agree. It's hard though because what I think I need is someone who has been through something similar and is healthy now, but I don't know anyone like that. People who have never been this depressed are useless to talk to because they really don't get it, and I don't need other people that are in this mess either…

Thanks, I've read about cognitive behavioral therapy before and the whole thing about repeating patterns and stuff. It sounds interesting and might be what I need. I just need to find a therapist that accepts insurance for evening or weekend visits. I've called a ton of therapists, I tried one but she wasn't good so I…

You're right. I've been thinking about that as far as the fact that I need more nerds in my life, because I am one to an extent and most of the people around me are sooooo fucking shallow. It's depressing never having intelligent conversations with people.

Yeah, I definitely need a change. I don't think I could make a move as brave as yours was because I'm afraid I might actually fall apart if I'm totally by myself.

I know I don't love myself as much as I should, I know that. But I don't have low self-esteem anymore. I had that problem when I was younger and I worked on it a lot because it didn't put me in some really awful situations.

The last guy was a friend for 6 years before we got involved. Nice guy, seemed to be good to his past gf that I knew. He's funny, motivated, successful, family oriented. Even my my mom liked him. He turned out to be a tremendous piece of shit.

It's been 31 years of life, I've changed plenty of things, many times and I'm still working on myself. I never stopped. If I didn't care and wasn't trying, I wouldn't even be having these conversations.

I have considered that. It's just hard to imagine leaving here and moving someplace where I don't know anyone. I think I might get worse. All of my family is here, including my nieces which I love very much. And also, if I leave I would definitely have to learn how to drive. :D haha

That isn't it, I've tried that. I was like that when I was much younger and I realized I had to start setting boundaries and having limits, not being a bitch, but just not being a doormat, speaking up when something bothered me and not being so available. Didn't work. I'm not trying to be impossible. I really have…

"Some people's happiness is dependent on how much good they are doing."

I've done a tremendous amount of self reflection. I do all of the time and I'm honest with myself. I grew up in a bad neighborhood with a dysfunctional family. The things I learned about life at an early age were things that my father didn't figure out until he was 65. If it weren't for self reflection I would…

Yeah, I used to believe that too. But then I realized that I love me and I'd like to enjoy my time on this earth without consistently being treated like I don't matter.

Yeah, certain quotes you get from memes on instagram sound great, but aren't necessarily correct.

I am, but it's just a product of the things I've been through. I've tried everything and I just finally gave up. Everyone tells you things are going to get better, but it doesn't always, I'm tired.

Yeah, there have actually been studies about how assholes do better with their jobs and getting promotions than nice, hardworking people do.

Bad fucking life, getting really tired of it.

I'm not a dick to anyone, that's my problem. I'm saying if you're a dick and it's working for you, don't change. The other side isn't so great.