Yeah, I get that putting bodily fluids in someone's food is disturbing, but I'm never not going to laugh at the mental picture of someone doing a demented jig while chanting and rubbing chicken fingers on their, um, tender loins. That's pretty funny in a silly, absurdist way. It's also fairly harmless compared to…

i have worked in every shitty retail and food service job out there and I mostly agree with you. I would never add my own genetic material in with anyone's food, sure. But I did once intentionally (and repeatedly) drop someone's food on the floor... Because they broke into my apartment. Otherwise maybe you make a…

I never messed with peoples food, but being that I was a big stoner during my waitressing days I would eat a lot of their food off their plate before it got to their table.

Well, don't do anything fatal (that should be common sense. Touching a customer's food and taking the brakes off their car are not the same thing). I do know a couple of people in the medical profession who'll make patients wait longer if they're assholes, though.

Restaurant workers messing with a complete asshole's food is kind of like capital punishment. There are many of us who don't support it and think it's a barbaric thing to do, but there are times when it happens to someone that you just can't feel even a little bit sorry for.

"If you are incapable of handling a shitty customer without resorting to an illegal, disgusting, and cowardly act done in hiding, maybe you don't belong in the industry in the first place."

Saying something is wrong with your order does not automatically mean the kitchen is going to mess with it. Most kitchens will fix it no problem, and most cooks never mess with people's food. It really only happens when people are competely out of line with their complaints, and one server is just finally pushed past…

This is my pov too. Yes retaliation for being an absolute cockhole can be rather gross. On the other, do NOT be a fucking cockhole.

. . .especially if they get treated like human beings.

It's... it's almost like you're telling me that restaurant staff are reasonable human beings?

I was a cook, then a restaurant chef (for a hotel), then finally a sous chef for another hotel chain, 7 years in kitchens before I finally burnt all the way out. And in my experience, it's seldom the special requests themselves, its the timing/attitude. Here are my unsolicited tips:

I was a cook, then a restaurant chef (for a hotel), then finally a sous chef for another hotel chain, 7 years in kitchens before I finally burnt all the way out. And in my experience, it's seldom the special requests themselves, its the timing/attitude. Here are my unsolicited tips:

Sheesh, it's not only food that's been deliberately messed with. It's food that hit the floor and was picked up and brushed off, food prep people who've sneezed into the batter, cigarette ashes dropping into stuff, workers who don't wash their hands, and the ever-present workers who are sick and contagious but who…

Yes, absolutely, "Hold the tomatoes" should be fine. But when she's across the table saying, "You know that burrito on the menu? Well, I want that, but leave off the chicken (note: it is a CHICKEN BURRITO) and substitute sauteed onions, tomatoes, and peppers, and I know it's not supposed to have sauce, but could…

Translations:

I do think he understands your position. I think this blog may have a different purpose than you do. I view this blog as a place where people can share stories, vent, and commiserate without judgement or criticism towards them. Sometimes it's a place where people share in schadenfreude. People who share in that…

I would never mess with someone's food, and I don't particularly enjoy (or believe) stories from people who say they did, but its your blog obviously, post whatever you want. Having said that, I think spreading the misperception that if you complain about your food the kitchen or server will mess with it does more…

I'm with you. I feel a little conflicted about those stories because it seems like it's already a thing that gets talked about way more than it actually happens, and it kind of annoys me to hear people cite that as the reason not to be rude to your server (as opposed to, you know, servers being human beings who…

Oh jeez, worst I ever did was only be super nice to a rude customer, instead of my usual extra super nice. I'm a wuss. These stories are very cathartic.

I don't enjoy stories about messing with assholes' food as much mainly because I want the assholes to be aware that they've been burned and in such a way that they can't prove that the person who burned them did it. If they walk out of the story and don't know that what they did had consequences, then I'm not…