YEAH! SHADOWS OF MORDOR, YOU GIBBERING APEMASSES!

My Dr. Scholl's Women's Dance Clogs are my life.

Oh. Yes, I assumed the heroine is middle-aged since every story every written on that book was about its middle-aged fan base! But no, they were flocking to a book about their daughter being the sex slave of a sadistic rich guy? Wowza.

Jessica Lange singing. Francis Conroy acting. Lily Rabe twirling. Sarah Paulson speaking. The hot Illustrated Man I don't know enough about yet....

I haven't read this book and I'm not gonna but I feel like I've read several books about it and...isn't the female character supposed to be middle-aged?

No, I don't object to it on grounds of being inappropriate. I just know myself too well and, idk, Sigmund Freud would probably say I have too many "memory trails" in my head or something, but I just can't see anything too disturbing or I will have nightmares for weeks. For example, my son and his friends came home one…

lol. I like all the other stuff. Exquisite acting. Cool setting. All the moments of commentary on the human experience. Wardrobe. Hair. Characterization. I like to be scared but I don't like gross.

She does! I like her tent too, and how she smokes opium to chillax between performances. And her eye shadow. And the cheesy accent. (omg I wonder if at some point we're going to learn she isn't even German...)

Def! Jessica Lange always! I don't know if Elsa is my favorite character though, it might be the Illustrated Man. We haven't learned much about him yet but I think he's really hot!

I remember reading last year that Jessica Lange really wanted a singing number and was disappointed that all she got was the Name Game, so I guess this year they went to town. And I agree, I'm loving it. Jessica Lange can sing all the numbers she wants!

I am enjoying it. Maybe because the opening credits aren't as grisly as in seasons past? All those jars in murder house gave me the creeps. I like all the carnival stuff because it is more campy and fun and less gross, and not so heavy as the insane asylum and sadistic doctor and religion and serial killers. And dare…

I am into makeup, not cars, so can we talk about that woman's face, which looks like a mask? Whitening creams have gotten out of control and the whole issue is actually a springboard for a discussion of racism, aging, and questionable ingredients in skin care products.

I am telling you what I have learned through experience. When I was young I had ten million moral codes and I divided life up that way — there is good and there is bad and I will only do good!

You know the thing about "morals?" They're super keen and really neat until they run up into real life. When the sexiest Leader of the Free World is hitting on you, who among us could find our "morals." And maybe it's not Bill Clinton for you, it's somebody else. But we all have our weaknesses, that's what makes us…

In this day and age an attractive couple was supposedly fucking in public and traumatizing a whole bunch of people but not one video exists of this event? In 2014?

Ebola, you so funny!

I don't get why people are so afraid of you, you're really nice.

Thanks, Ebola!

My macbook pro is now slow as hell and full of aches and creaks too. Dammit, Lifehacker! So to recap: my computer is slower, I've lost the ability to access Pages or iPhoto or other things I probably don't even use but still, but my fonts are prettier. Seriously, Lifehacker?! I probably can't access all that freeware…

Aggh. I skipped my rule of never downloading updates and will concede that the font and some features of Yosemite seem really cool. But now it won't let me open half my programs like Pages and iPhoto. Those were purchased on a previous computer and then transferred over when I bought this one, and were many Apple IDs…