I want to go to Europe just so I can say “we’re sorry” to everyone I meet.

He didn’t know or care who that was, only that they were in his way. And he probably thinks Montenegro is a nightclub.

Seriously doubt he knew who he was pushing, or that Montenegro is a country. He probably thinks it’s a nightclub.

This deserves a thousand stars.

The truth is, many are actually entitlement programs, like Social Security. You paid into it, you are entitled to it. More right-wing double-speak.

He even encouraged her to “give Donald a hug.”

An excellent time for Jared to have a religious experience and decide he has to stay in Israel.

Oh, what I would give for Hunter’s thoughts now!

I hope you meant “literal” not “liberal.”

I’ll bet Melania is quite the actress.

Perhaps Jared will decide this is a good time to emigrate to Israel.

I had a placard for my 90+ year old mom when I was living in Hawaii taking care of her, and it got stolen out of my car in my own driveway. In an upscale neighborhood.

And Shirley Jones (Partridge family mom) as a prostitute!

Of course, 45 doesn’t really give a shit about abortion. I would wager he’s paid for a few, or at least promised to pay, then left the woman with the bill.

A more accurate phrase would be “choke like a cat,” because we all know what it sounds like when a cat is hacking up a furball.

My friend’s dachshund had a bizaare attachment to me. When I went to her house, she would have to let the dog outside to greet me because it would roll around and squeal excitedly and pee itself. And I wasn’t even fond of the dog, I mostly ignored it.

It’s certainly not average! I’d love to do that, but I’m too lazy. Sometimes I’ll put 2 or 3 pillowcases on and then peel one off every other night.

I’m 5'3" and I look like a cadaver at 110, which is how much I weighed most of the time in college (or less). Of course, I did not see it that way, only now when I see pictures I realize how bad it was. After a serious surgery, I weighed only 90 lbs and thought I was still fat. This was when anorexia was just…

When I was in college in the late 60s and early 70s, the uncoolest thing you could do was be in a fraternity/sorority. I hung out with the art department, the stoners, the anti-war protestors, the political science types, and the music and theater types. We thought the Greek system would disappear, but unfortunately,…

Fuck, they would gladly light a cigarette with a hundred dollar bill.