Oh, honey. That age sucker punch sounds really hard to navigate. They're all old enough to really know how to push your buttons, but not old enough to reliably count on to help. You are a serious rock star. They may not say this for a while, so I'm going to say it for them: THANK YOU.

that's hysterical he is just like "nope"

You forgot a citation of Sex at Dawn and a rambling post about god's love vs. the goddess's love.

I can't wait for the comments on this piece about monogamy, which will surely be measured, calm, polite and filled with a frank exchange of ideas in good faith...

j/k it's gonna be a shitshow between judgey married people, judgey poly people, judgey cheaters and cuckolds, etc. etc. etc.

That commercial is amazing! I would totally sign up for this if I didn't use a diva cup. Maybe I should just sign up for a candy delivery service to grace me with sweet things while my vagina weeps into a silicone cup and I lay on my couch with a magic bag!

This means women really can Have It All!

And then I asked myself, "Self, would this be as upsetting to you if the line read, 'Black girl got an ass'?"

And then I got all turned around about where the question mark should go.

30. Maybe even try weight-loss coffee! Although it could lead to nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.

Hey parents! Guess who's smarter than your toddler? Freaking chickens.

I posted this on Gawker, but it's worth repeating:

The English have this birthing shit down, man.

Reminded me of this.

Okay, what about this: Can I send a picture of my smiling face but have my dick visible in the reflection of my aviator glasses? Because that sounds totally cool.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is skeptical of your premise.

Also: I get a strange delight in the fact that right now, my kids, ages 2-almost 7 find nothing funnier than people of either sex doing nekkid (or semi-nekkid) booty dancing. This is then followed by the crushing realization that sooner or later, they'll likely be socially conditioned - regardless of sexual…

You forgot the most important part: The shoes in this video were 1000x better than the monstrosities in the original video. That was enough right there to justify this remake.

To be fair, we do not actually throw the woman in jail and do not outlaw sex outside of marriage to begin with. Now, we have our own fuckedupedness, no doubt - and people who refuse to acknowledge that are idiots. Let's just not pretend the two cultures are exactly the same. They aren't. Each does have its differences…

I didn't think it was possible to be less deserving of an Oscar than Crash.

That's weird, the tigers at the Dallas zoo look like mountain lions.

The pregnancy part scares me, but the eighteen or so years that follow scare me more.