I’m going to hire you to bring home delicious salamis and dried sausages from Italy from now on, thank you.

Also, why does Ellen’s birthday party sound like a muddy festival with no more toilet paper and Lime-a-Rita cans in the shitter

I just went back to school and the school requires the measles vaccine or proof you’ve had one. Luckily, I also signed up for the school health plan. So I asked at the clinic, should I get a booster? The PA says, why don’t we test to see if you have the antibodies and then you won’t need one.

Blot the moisture and sprinkle with cornstarch for the cheese to stick.

And outside of the city, New York natives like to call ourselves “upstaters” instead of “New Yorkers.”

Do you watch “It’s Suppertime” with Matty? He’s pretty down to earth.

DONE.

Is it too late to change our Burner names?

She is a class act.

Oh we had it, all right. It was called the Graham Norton Effect. But we can’t keep nice things.

I had no idea the Morning After pill has been around since 1981!

Or: Cut you like a cat on the Serengeti.

Whereas Mary Poppins Returns, truly a “Star vehicle” in every sense of the word, is significantly underperforming expectations.

I’m stuck in a house without cable so I got a bunch of dvds to pass the time.

whacking a pomegranate with a wooden spoon to shake the seeds loose.

Giving AI this much power scares the heck out of me.

Come on, Wolf: Himalayan Yeti

And Jonagold. Those are my standbys.