Show tunes and Taco Bell... seems less dystopian than reality.

Holding our representatives accountable for what they say and do. Where do you think you are, America?

Nothing new. Just the usual blood rituals, pentagrams, and promises “to do thy bidding Satan.”

Surprisingly, this may be the most respectful comment Trump has ever made regarding women. Or the least degrading... the bar is so low right now.

I fully support Donald Trump and the entire Republican party getting a swift kick in the ads because they all deserve a pain in their ass directly proportion to their pain in my ass. On further reflection, I may need a blowtorch, the jaws of life, and a small thermonuclear device to accurately simulate my current…

Sounds good. Apple breaks my phone with the most recent operating system, they might as well take my computer too. It’s not like I do anything important on it like online banking or internet porn.

James Cameron doesn’t do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron.

What are leaves and snow?

Okay, I officially want to lobotomize myself. How far should I go with the icepick? I want to go far enough to not care about this shit anymore. Somewhere along the lines of where the jokes on “Two and a Half Men” are funny, but where I do not feel the need to watch “The Real Housewives” of anything should be the…

Can I do the bad pun that they gave Louis C.K. the appropriate dog breed? Nevermind, I’ll show myself out.

Great job Mr. Hanks! Now you have to move to Utah.

The why is simple. NBC went down the old “Must See TV” checklist and the Will & Grace cast and crew was the first one that said yes to coming back. I have enjoyed the comeback, but the show seemed creatively spent at the end of the original run. I feel the same about the X-Files, but hopefully Will & Grace has a…

But the question all of America wants answered: “Is ‘Lemonade’ on Trump’s playlist?”

Meanwhile the House is relaunching investigations into Hillary Clinton going back to 2010 just in case you wanted to move past the last election but didn’t realize you are caught in a time warp of perpetual entropy.

My friend and I went to school as Beavis and Butt-Head and we got detention for a week. The following year, I went as William Blake and preached damnation to all the students. That was totally cool by the way.

Well Caffine Spider, forty is the age when the gods determine that all men must go though a blood ritual and pledge their allegiance to denigrating all minorities. You are then given a Republican Voter ID Card and profess your undying affection to Ronald Reagan and fight to have all things named after him.

I don’t know if I should be horrified or just shrug and say that sounds like what Donald Trump would say about what Mike Pence actually believes. To be safe, I’ll do both.

Good lord, someone save that poor dog!!! Also, the important question is if that dog kneels during “God Save the Queen.” Lastly, a real American would buy an American dog like a German Shepherd.

Skynet or Donald Trump? Skynet or Donald Trump? Hmm, I need some time with this one. Maybe Skynet can be reasoned with?

“So everyone knew and they just went with it. ‘Oh yeah, Harvey’s gonna burst into your room and masturbate. That’s just Harvey. He’s like a sex criminal version of the Kool-Aid Man.” - John Oliver ‘Last Week Tonight’